No Holds Barred! 03-08-07

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       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!


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A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was
horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely
thing.  Just as she was about to storm out of the house,
her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave,
I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I
saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her
a ride.  She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her
some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge. 
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes
you didn't wear because they were out of style.  She was
cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater that you
never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. 
Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours
that you don't fit into anymore. Then, as she was about
to leave the house, she paused and asked,  'Is there
anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?'
And so, here we are!"

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"Class I want everyone to go up to the chalk board and draw a
picture of something exciting that happened over the summer.
"Mary gets up, draws a picture of an airplane, she's off to
visit her grandmothers'.

Michael gets up draws a picture of his family on horse back,
they're off into the wilderness for two weeks. Sharon gets up
and draws a picture of a big skyscraper, she's on top waving
hello to the world. Johnny picks up a piece of chalk, puts a
dot on the board and sits down.

Mrs. Johnson, "Johnny, what is that?"

Johnny, "That's a period."

Mrs. Johnson, "What's so exciting about a period?"

Johnny, "Beats the hell out of me, but my sister missed one last
month, and there sure was a lot of excitement around my house!"

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A fireman is at the station house working outside on the
fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The
little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung
off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the
wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little boy.
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The little boy says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this
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look.

"Little boy that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman
says. "Thanks mister", says the little boy.

The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy
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boy", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run
your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the
dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little boy says, "You're probably right mister, but
then I wouldn't have a siren!"

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More to come later....just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

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      is NOT a sponsor of "No Holds Barred" !!

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