Fun4U: Rules for City Driving

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Never, EVER slow down when a light turns yellow. If you're within half
   a block of a stop light when it turns yellow, put the pedal to the metal.

When attempting to enter a street from any parking lot, make sure that at
   least the front third of your car is sticking out into the nearest lane.

When it starts raining, completely lose your ability to drive and act as
   if you've never done it before.

Using your turn signals is absolutely prohibited, except in limited
   circumstances, such as when you're five feet from the corner. NEVER
   use your signal when you're making a right turn and someone is waiting
   to pull out into YOUR lane.

A red light is not TRULY red until five seconds after the yellow light
   goes out.

A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people
   can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left
   lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before
   hitting the orange construction barrels.

Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real city driver never
   uses them.

Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and
   the car in front of you or the space will be filled in by somebody else,
   putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going
   with the flow".

The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have
   of getting hit.

Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork when
   driving in a no-fault insurance state. The other guy doesn't have
   anything to lose.

Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your
   ABS kicks in - giving you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake
   pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch
   your legs.

Construction signs only tell you about road closures immediately after you
   pass the last availabe exit, but before the traffic begins to back up.

The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide
   useful information. They're only there to make your city look high-tech
   and to distract your attention from the police car parked in the median.


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