Fun4U: New York City Driving Rules

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1) Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long Island driver
   never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal.

2) Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you
   and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody
   else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3) Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered
   "going with the flow."

4) The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
   have of getting hit.

5) Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.

6) Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
   your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake
   pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch
   your legs.

7) Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful
   information. They are only there to make Long Island look high-tech,
   and to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked on
   the median.

8) Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.

9) Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and
   are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

10) Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if
   someone is just changing a tire.

11) Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives
   Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.

12) It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be
   followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way
   to work, or the beach.

13) Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the
   previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of
   ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and
   new vehicle sales.


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