No Holds Barred! 03-02-07

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Three members of a weekly female bridge quartet were duly
impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink coat.

"That's a lovely garment Dottie," purred one woman

"It must have cost you a fortune!"

"But it didn't," said Dottie, "just a single piece of ass."

"You mean," continued the admirer of the coat,
"One that you gave your husband?"

"No," smiled the coat wearer,

"One that he got from the maid."

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 After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over,
  pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his
  lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one
  at hand.

  "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

  He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of
  matches setting neatly on top of a framed picture of another
  man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?"
  he inquired nervously.

  "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

  "Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

  "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

  "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

  Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before my operation."

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Q:  How does an attorney sleep?
A:  First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Q:  How many lawyer jokes are there?
A:  Only three; the rest are true stories.

Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. 
    Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb . . .

Q:  How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Three; one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one
    to sue the ladder company.

Q:  What are lawyers good for?
A:  They make used car salesmen look good.

Q:  What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A:  Senator.

Q:  What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A:  Your Honor.

Q:  What do you get when you cross a bad politician
    with a crooked lawyer?
A:  Chelsea.

Q:  What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A:  His partners or an anvil.

Q:  What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A:  Nothing; there are some things a pig won't do.

Q:  What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A:  The pronunciation.

Q:  What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A:  You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q:  What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A:  The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q:  Why did God create snakes just before lawyers?
A:  To practice.

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