No Holds Barred! 06-08-07

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You have to train men the same way you do a dog. Be very clear about
what behaviour is acceptable and then give them lots of praise on those
occasions when they get anything right, and instant firm correction when
they do something wrong. Always use a calm voice. Don't hit them, don't
make them stay in the yard overnight. Don't stick their nose in the
messes they make, but do make them clean it up. Restrict their access to
power tools. Withold treats when necessary.

Potty training is often difficult with adult human males because their
mothers didn't do it properly. If they put the toilet seat down tell
them what a nice boy they are, and then give them a treat.

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Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
California? Oregon? Switzerland? Most believe it originated in
Switzerland, but here's the real version.

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of
Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had
nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the
farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that
he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from
upstairs and asked her father, "Who is that man going into
the barn?"

"That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He
needs a place to stay for the night, so I said he could sleep
in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared
him a plate of food and took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing
disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that
perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine,
took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an
hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly
and her hair all messed up. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and
continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone,
she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying
goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house
looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had
sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his
hand next to his mouth, and yelled out, "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO."

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 Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
 splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
 visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a
little
 sandpaper  on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
 A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
 through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
 Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

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More to come later....just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

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      is NOT a sponsor of "No Holds Barred" !!

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