JE - Taliban Deodorant Launched..

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+ The Starter
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Righty-o folks!

So how are you? I'm just about recovered from my lads holiday to Pula in
Croatia. Now, although you won't believe me, it WASN'T the booze.
I managed to contract some kind of food poisoning, which laid me up in bed
for 2 days whilst my boys partyed. I did make it out for just one night,
which was a disaster and I would describe it in detail except that I would
*possibly* incriminate myself in a situation involving a too much
Jagrmeister, a child's bike, and a husky dog.
Don't ask.

Rushing out the door this evening to go and spank another team in the
Edinburgh softball league. 2 and 1 start to the season, Premier league
here we come!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email
webmaster@jokeemail.com

+ New Funny Pics:
Taliban Deodorant Launched
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/taliban.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/taliban.htm "> AOL </a>

Alaskan Grizzly Bears
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=32015&s=n
<a href=" http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=32015&s=n "> AOL </a>

Bush & Kerry battle in Hip-Hop
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=24688&s=n
<a href=" http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=24688&s=n "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.

A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this
beautiful day getting drunk?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the
bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man:
Ok, but that's not so bad.

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened then?

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

Man: And then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the
bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the
right.

Man: And then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got
the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her
tail.

Man: Hmmm...

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?

Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied
her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife
walked in... Some things you just can't explain.

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No Holds Barred! 05-30-07

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Save for Retirement
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Shopping Cart
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OK or not OK
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Smoke Signals
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Backyard Ice Rink
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/018.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/018.htm">Here</a>

Friends Are Like...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/501.html
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Starting Younger & Younger
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Surprise
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Seedless
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/504.html
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Huge Beaver!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/505.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/505.html">Here</a>

Extras...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny510.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny511.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny512.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

George W. Bush was walking through an airport last week,
when he saw an old man with white hair, a long white beard,
wearing a long white robe and holding a staff.

He walked up to the man, who was staring at the ceiling,
and said, "Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?" The man
stood perfectly still and continued to stare at the
ceiling, saying nothing.

Again George W asked, a little louder this time,
"Excuse me sir, aren't you Moses?"

Again the old man stared at the ceiling motionless without
saying a word.

George W tried a third time, louder yet. "Excuse me
sir, aren't you Moses?" Again, no movement or words
from the old man. He continued to stare at the ceiling.

One of George W's aides asked him if there was a problem &
George W said, "Either this man is deaf or extremely
rude. I have asked him 3 times if he was Moses, and
he has not answered me yet."

To which the man, still staring at the ceiling finally
replied, "I can hear you and yes, I am Moses, but the
last time I spoke to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering
in the wilderness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sherry the sexy secretary walked into her boss's office
and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you"

"Sherry honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?"
he complained.
"Tell me some good news for once."

"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary.
"You're not sterile....."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Find Christian Singles in your area:

http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Relationshp.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Relationshp.html">Here</a>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ryan's wife had recently died and she was being buried. Ryan
was sobbing and was being consoled by his friends.
"Don't worry Ryan, in two or three months you may meet a
beautiful lady who will make you happy"
"I know, I know," says Ryan, "But what am I gonna do
tonight."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Fun4U: She Hit Me!

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A little old man was escorted into the witness box. After being sworn
    in, the lawyer asked him to explain what happened. After a lengthy
    discussion of the events leading up to the incident, he finally got
    around to the meat of the case.
 
 "...and then she hit me with a maple leaf."
 
 "Surely that couldn't have caused you any serious injury?" said the lawyer.
 
 "Are you kidding?" exclaimed the old man. "It was the leaf from the center
    of our dining room table."
 
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Fun4U: How many bricks?

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A guy decides to build a brick fence in front of his house but isn't sure
    how many pallets of bricks he'll need. So he calls his Polish neighbor,
    who recently built a similar-size brick fence. "Lech," he says, "I'm
    building a fence almost the same size as yours. How many pallets of
    bricks did you get?"
 
 "Ten," Lech answers.
 
 So the guy buys 10 pallets and proceeds to build a beautiful fence. When
    he finishes, he's surprised to find he only used four of the pallets.
 
 "Hey, Lech," he says over the fence, "I just finished building my fence,
    and I've got six pallets of bricks left over."
 
 "Yep," says Lech. "So did I."
 
-=[-(3559)---------------------------------------------------(lp:71.0%)--]=-
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No Holds Barred! 05-29-07

===========================================================

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  No Holds Barred! and is put there by Topica.


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Dangerous Animal
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1071.html
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Big Bang
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1072.html
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Illusion
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1073.html
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Spit Or Swallow
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/363.html
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I Suspect...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/806.html
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Boiling Water?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/807.html
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NO, Not That One
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/808.html
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Ass Is Grass
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/809.html
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Man's Best Friend Goes For  A Walk?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/810.html
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Exit To Twatt...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/024.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/024.htm">Here</a>

Extras...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny597.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny598.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny599.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast
about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won
20!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says
another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting
there listening.

"I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91
races, I've won 89 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Well I'll be damned!" says one,
after a hushed silence.

"A talking dog!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees
a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his
cowboy hat, gun and his boots.  So the sheriff arrests him
for indecent exposure.

As he was locking him up he asks, "Why in the world are you
dressed like this?"

The cowboy said, "Well it's like this sheriff.  I was in
the bar down the road and this pretty little brunette asks
me to go out to her motor home with her, and I did.  We go
inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off
my shirt, so I did.  Then she pulls off her skirt and asks
me to pull off my pants, so I did.  Then she pulls off her
panties and asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did.  Then
she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of funny and says,
"Now go to town, cowboy...."  So here I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy is in a public toilet, but soon discovers there is no
toilet paper on the roll. He calls into the next booth,
"Do you have any tissue paper in there?"

"No," comes the reply.

"Do you have any newspaper?"

"Sorry!"

"Ummm, do you have two fives for a ten?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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===========================================================


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Fun4U: Oldie but coldie

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One very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the
    madam said, "You'll have to wait."
 
 "But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now."
 
 "Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs."
 
 "Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."
 
 So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of the staff and,
    after looking for a place to consummate the transaction, they decide
    to do it on the roof. But it's a very cold night, and they freeze
    to death and fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over,
    staggers to the door, and knocks.
 
 "Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!"
 
 "I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell you that your
    sign fell down."
 
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Fun4U: Don't Lie to Your Mother

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John invited his mother over for dinner.  During the meal, his mother
    couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was.  She had
    long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate
    and this only made her more curious.
 
 Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
    started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than
    met the eye.  Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what
    you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
 
 About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother
    came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy
    ladle.  You don't suppose she took it, do you?"  John replied, "Well,
    I doubt it, but I'll write her about it just to be sure."
 
 John sat down and wrote:  "Dear Mom,  I'm not saying you 'did' take the
    gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take the
    gravy ladle.  But the fact remains that one has been missing ever
    since you were here for dinner.  Love, John."
 
 Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
    "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not
    saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie.  But the fact remains that
    if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy
    ladle by now.  Love, Mom."
 
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JE - If you make a Mistake..

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+ The Starter
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If you make a Mistake..
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Castrate Me
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Britneys Downward Spiral
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=29227&s=n
<a href=" http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=29227&s=n "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out.... "Pa, you
need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is; now git out there and fix it."

So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma
There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells
back,"Ma - There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, and then starts yelling, "Ma
- Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"

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Fun4U: Navy Parrot

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The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always
    wanted. He took with him his life-long pet parrot.
 
 First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, "Reveille,
    Reveille. Up all hands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is
    lighted, now Reveille."
 
 The old chief told the parrot, "We are no longer in the Navy. Go back
    to sleep."
 
 The next morning, the parrot did the same thing.
 
 Chief told the parrot, "If you keep this up, I'll put you out in the
    chicken pen."
 
 Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in
    the chicken pen. About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened
    by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what
    was the matter.
 
 The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the
    ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying,
    "By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't mean Khakis!"
 
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Fun4U: Kiss

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Only two percent of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave their house.
 
 Ninety eight percent of men kiss their house goodbye when they leave
    their wife!
 
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JE - The Wonder of Nature

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+ The Starter
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Still on vacation..

Tom Evans
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The Wonder of Nature..
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/nature_wonder.htm
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Chastity and Continence
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=31731&s=n
<a href=" http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=31731&s=n "> AOL </a>

Thumb Raider
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=31689&s=n
<a href=" http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=31689&s=n "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Hang on to any of the new Missouri Quarters. If you have them, they may
be worth much more than 25 cents

The US Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Missouri
quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters
will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay
phones or any other coin operated devices. The problem lies in the
unique design of the Missouri quarter, which was designed by a team of
Ozark specialists.

Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together
keeps jamming up the machines.

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No Holds Barred! 05-25-07

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Fun4U: The Test

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Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The
    cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass
    a trial.
 
 The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces
    of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to
    gather fruits.
 
 The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The
    king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up
    your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The
    first apple went in. But on the second one he winced out in pain,
    so he was killed.
 
 The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king
    explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be
    easy. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the ninth berry he burst
    out in laughter and was killed.
 
 The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why
    did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied,
    "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
 
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Fun4U: To New York

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A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on
    a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling
    prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.
 
 Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, "Miss,
    I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated
    in first class. I'm afraid you'll have to move."
 
 The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New
    York to be a model." Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the
    senior flight attendant.
 
 The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, "I'm
    sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move
    back." The blonde replies, sweetly, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful,
    and I'm going to New York to be a model" - and shows no signs of moving.
 
 Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll
    deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear,
    and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class.
 
 Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly
    into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her
    things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.
 
 Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, "Captain, I'm
    impressed. What did you say to her?"
 
 The captain grinned slyly and said, "I just told her that the first class
    cabin doesn't go to New York."
 
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No Holds Barred! 05-24-07

===========================================================

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  No Holds Barred! and is put there by Topica.


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       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!


Still got a big ass!
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Where's the rest of him??
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Single woman turns 30!
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Why men shouldn't remain single!
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Cloned!!!
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Happy Birthday Dear
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For Mechanics
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Please Disguise
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The Real Reason
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Not An Even Suntan...
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http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny589.html
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to speak about Women and be politically correct:

  1. She is not dumb -
     She is a detour off the information superhighway.

  2. She has not "been around" -
     She is a previously enjoyed companion.

  3. She is not an airhead -
     She is reality impaired.

  4. She does not get drunk or tipsy -
     She gets chemically inconvienced.

  5. She is not "hot to trot" -
     She is sexually focused.

  6. She does not have implants -
     She is medically enhanced.

  7. She does not nag you -
     She is merely verbally repetitive.

  8. She is not "easy" -
     She is sexually extroverted.

  9. She does not have major league hooters -
     She is pectorally superior.

10. She is not a two-bit whore -
     She is a low cost provider.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a man with a permanent erection.  Try as he
could, he couldn't get it to go down.  Finally, he went to his
local pharmacy, where he encountered a female pharmacist.

"I'd like to speak to the male pharmacist," he said.

She said, "I'm a professional.  I run this pharmacy with my
sister, who is also a professional.  Anything you can tell a
man, you can tell us."

"O.K.," he said.  "I have a permanent erection.  What can you
give me for it?"

"Hmmm," she replied, "I'll go into the back and confer with
my sister." After a minute, she returned to the counter and
said, "We'll give you $25,000 and half the business."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Women, is your debt keeping you from enjoying life the way
you should?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to speak about Men and be politically correct:

  1. He does not have a beer gut -
     He has developed a liquid grain storage facility.

  2. He is not a bad dancer -
     He is overly Caucasian.

  3. He does not "get lost all the time" -
     He investigates alternative destinations.

  4. He is not balding -
     He is in follicle regression.

  5. He is not a "cradle robber" -
     He simply prefers generationally differential relationships.

  6. He does not get falling-down drunk -
     He becomes accidentally horizontal.

  7. He does not act like a perfect, total ass -
     He develops a case of rectal-cranial inversion (besides, no
     one is perfect ... least of all him!).

  8. He is not a male chauvinist pig -
     He has swine empathy.

  9. He is not afraid of commitment -
     He is monogamously challenged.

10. He is not vulgar -
     He is etiquette deprived.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get a Free Consultation from a Debt Consolidation Expert. 
       Reduce Debt up to 60%.

Free Yourself of Debt Responsibly. Don't Settle for Any Kind
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Get on the Hood
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<a href=" http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=489&pid=29162&s=n "> AOL </a>

+ General Jokes
An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two
months.

Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari
stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey
hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and
enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells
them:

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry
Her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.

I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her
life.

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa and a €2m bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a €4m bank
account. If twins, they will receive a factory and €2m each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not really sure what to do. What
do you suggest?"

At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You can sh*g her again."

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No Holds Barred! 05-23-07

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Fun4U: Grandma's Wisdom

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My long-passed grandmother's birthday is coming up, and for me it is
    a time to reminisce. The long walks and drives we used to take. The
    special trips she would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends
    with her, and the advice she used to give.
 
 Much was wasted because I was young when she died. If she were alive
    today and sharing her pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems
    were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of
    grandmotherly advice, came when I was only 12.
 
 We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a
    beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I'd find a woman and
    start my own family. "And son," she said, "be sure you marry a woman
    with small hands."
 
 "How come, Grandma?" I asked her.
 
 She said with a wink... "makes your pecker look bigger."
 
 Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
 
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Fun4U: Reasons for leaving Jobs

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My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned
    because I couldn't Concentrate.
 
 Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it,
    so they gave me the axe.
 
 After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly
    because it was a so-so job.
 
 Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting. I
    wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
 
 Then I tried to be a chef, figured it would add a little spice to my life
    but I just didn't have the thyme.
 
 Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it,
    I couldn't cut the mustard.
 
 My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't
    noteworthy.
 
 I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
 
 Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
 
 I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live
    on my net income.
 
 Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
 
 I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company,
    but the work was just too draining.
 
 I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't
    up to it.
 
 So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I
    wasn't fit for the job.
 
 Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.
 
 After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a
    historian until I realized there was no future in it.
 
 My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was
    always the same old grind.
 
 You got any ideas?
 
 I'm opened for suggestions ... maybe you have something that WORKS
    ... because I don't.
 
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No Holds Barred! 05-22-07

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Fun4U: Little Johnny 281

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Little Suzy, age 9, and Little Johnny, age 10, are sitting on the front
    porch swing.
 Little Johnny says to Suzy..."Screw you Suzy."
 A minute goes by and Little Suzy turns to Johnny, and says, "Screw you
    Johnny."
 Another minute goes by, and Johnny says to Suzy, "Screw you Suzy."
 In a minute or two Suzy says to Johnny, "Screw you Johnny."
 A few minutes pass, and Johnny says to Suzy, "Screw you Suzy."
 A minutes later Suzy says to Johnny, "Screw you Johnny."
 About that time an adult steps out on to the porch and says, "What are
    you kids doing?"
 They answer in unison, "We are having oral sex!"
 
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Fun4U: Firehouse

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A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, you know we have
    a wonderful system at the fire station.
 
 BELL 1 rings and we  all put on our jackets,
 
 BELL 2 rings and we al slide down the pole,
 
 BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
 
 From now  on when I say BELL 1,  I want you to strip naked. When I say
    BELL 2,  I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3,  we are
    going to screw all night.
 
 The next night he came home from work and yelled BELL 1 the wife took
    all her clothes off.  When he yelled  BELL 2 the wife jumped into bed.
    When he yelled BELL 3, they began screwing.
 
 After a few minutes the wife yelled BELL 4. Whats this BELL 4 asked
    the husband?
 
 "ROLL OUT MORE HOSE", SHE REPLIED,  "YOU'Re NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE!"
 
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No Holds Barred! 05-21-07

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