No Holds Barred! 02-21-08

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Everything above this line is NOT a sponsor of
No Holds Barred! and is put there by Topica.


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Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!


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Booby trapped
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In the divorce settlement
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Extras...
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http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1034.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1035.html
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Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a
cigarette, when one said, 'It's bad enough that we have to
sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting
rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them.'

The second nun said, 'I've found a marvelous invention
called a condom which works really well for this problem.
You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put
the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all
later.'

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could
find them.

'You get them at a chemist, sister. Just go and ask the
pharmacist for them.'

The next day the good sister went to the chemist and walked
up to the counter.

'Good morning, sister,' the chemist said, 'what can I do
for you today?'

'I'd like some condoms please,' said the nun.

The chemist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon
enough and asked,
'How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box.'

'I'll take six boxes. That should last about a week,' said
the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was
almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his
professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice.

'Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large,
extra large, and the big liar size.'

The sister thought for a minute and finally said:
'I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size
for a Camel?'

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Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They
undress and step in the showers before they realize there is
no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it,
not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the
showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading
his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and
freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap. 'Oh look,' says the second
nun, 'a soap dispenser.'

To test her theory she also pulls his dick... and sure
enough he drops the last bar of soap.

The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and three
times.

Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her
delight she yells, 'Look, hand cream!'

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A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a
young man.

Old Man:

"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence?
Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone
with me own two hands, piled it for months. But do they call
me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."

Then the old man gestured at the bar.

"Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is?
I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved
that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do
they call me McGregor-the-Bar-builder?

Nooo..."

Then the old man points out the window.

"Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that
stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier
with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But
do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo... "

Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make
sure no one is paying attention.

"But ya fuck one sheep . . . "

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Win lunch for a year or take the cash!
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More to come later....just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

Everything below this line is put in by Topica and
is NOT a sponsor of "No Holds Barred" !!

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