Fun4U: Night Before Christmas (Legal)

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The Night Before Christmas (Legal Style)
 
 Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
    a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House")
    a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but
    not limited to a mouse.
 
 A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed
    by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief
    that St. Nick aka St. Nicholas aka Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus")
    would arrive at sometime thereafter.
 
 The minor residents, i.e., the children, of the aforementioned House
    were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
    hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats,
    including, but not limited to, candies, nuts, and/or sugar plums,
    did dance, cavort, and otherwise appear in said dreams.
 
 Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
    "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts
    of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired
    for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad
    in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.)
 
 Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
    the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House,
    i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause, and/or
    circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a
    window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
 
 At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
    wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle")
    being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately
    eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be, and in
    fact was, the previously referenced Claus.
 
 Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction, and guidance to
    the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the
    animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
    Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information
    and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator
    named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)
 
 The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle, and the
    Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several
    residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and
    noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys, and other
    items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation
    or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the
    House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.
 
 Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with
    residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing
    a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown
    items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in
    blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
 
 Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the
    minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other
    small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said
    minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
 
 Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew,
    rose, and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the
    Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately
    departed for an unknown destination.
 
 However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer, and Claus from
    said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or
    exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words
    to that effect.
 
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