No Holds Barred! 04-28-08

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Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!


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Are you tired of the mushy "friendship" poems that always
sound good but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to
true friendship and truth itself ...

Friend,
When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and help
you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made
you sad.

When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is
choking you.

When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every
chance I get.

When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible
stories about how much worse it could be and to quit
whining.

When you are confused...I will use little words to
explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick.....stay away from me until you're
well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy
ass.

This is my oath, I pledge 'till the end. Why you may
ask? Because you're my friend!


P.S. A friend will help you move. A really good friend
will help you move a body.



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Morris Kissinger goes to see a poor man and says, "I want
to arrange a marriage for your son. "The poor man replies,
"I never interfere in my son's life." Kissinger responds,
"But the girl is Lord Rothschild's daughter."
"Well, in that case..."

Next Kissinger approaches Lord Rothschild. "I have a husband for
your daughter." "But my daughter is too young to marry."
"But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank."
"Ah, in that case..."

Finally Kissinger goes to see the president of the World Bank.
"I have a young man to recommend to you as a vice president."
"But I already have more vice presidents than I need."
"But this young man is Lord Rothschild's son-in-law."

"Ah, in that case...."

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George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family,
including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they were
visiting Jerusalem. George's mother-in-law died. With the death
certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to
make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.
The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George
that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very
expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00.

The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for
the remains normally decides to bury the body here.
This would only cost $150.00. George thinks for some
time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body
back; that's what I want to do." The Consul, after hearing this, says
"You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the
difference in price." "No, it's not that," says George. "You see,
I heard of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here
in Jerusalem.
On the third day he arose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.

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Hillary, Obama or McCain?

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Besides, that's what the 1st amendment is all about!


More to come later....just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

Everything below this line is put in by Topica and
is NOT a sponsor of "No Holds Barred" !!

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