Fun4U: New Element

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Scientists Discover New Element

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university
physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However,
it does have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice assistant
neutrons, and 161 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass
of 247. These particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that
involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particle called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can
be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes into
contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days
to complete. Without Administratium, the reaction ordinarily occurred
in less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a re-organization
in which the assistant neutrons, vice assistant neutrons, and assistant
vice neutrons exchange places. Studies seem to show the atomic mass
actually increasing after each re-organization.

Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the
atmosphere. It tends to concentrate in certain locations such as
government agencies, large corporations and universities. It can usually
be found in the newest, best-appointed and best maintained buildings.

Scientists warn that Administratium is known to be toxic, and recommend
plenty of fluids and bed rest after even low levels of exposure.

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