No Holds Barred! 11-19-07

===========================================================

 Everything above this line is NOT a sponsor of
  No Holds Barred! and is put there by Topica.


      \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!



       Need more Humor in YOUR Life?

OVER THE EDGE           OverTheEdge-subscribe@topica.com
NO HOLDS BARRED         NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@topica.com
JUST FOR LAUGHS         justforlaughs-subscribe@topica.com
AIKEN'S TRIVIA          Aikenstrivia-subscribe@topica.com
AIKEN'S ONE-LINERS      Aikensoneliners-subscribe@topica.com
AIKEN'S INSPIRE!        Inspiretoday-subscribe@topica.com
AIKEN'S LONG JOKE       AIKENSLongJoke-subscribe@topica.com
AIKEN'S SHORT LAUGH     Aikensshortlaugh-subscribe@topica.com
AIKEN'S CLASSICS        Aikensclassics-subscribe@topica.com
TOONS OF THE DAY        toons-subscribe@topica.com
LAUGHS & LAUGHS         laughs-subscribe@topica.com


Damned if you do....DAMN!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1416.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1416.html">Here!</a>

Looks & Charm
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1417.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1417.html">Here!</a>

To think for you
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1418.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1418.html">Here!</a>

The dawn of woman
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1419.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1419.html">Here!</a>

Danger : Moron in action
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1420.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1420.html">Here!</a>

Making Men Wait
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/088.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/088.htm"> Here </a>

Reflex?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1351.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1351.html">Here!</a>

Shadow games
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1352.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1352.html">Here!</a>

Aural Sex?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1353.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1353.html">Here!</a>

Autopsy lunch?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1354.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1354.html">Here!</a>

Bad breath
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1355.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1355.html">Here!</a>

Extras...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1045.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1046.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1047.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following is a father's advice to his son just moments
before he gets on the bus that will carry him off to join
the Army:
"Son, you are getting ready to embark on a great adventure
as many of the men in our family have done since your
great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather
did many hundreds of years ago.

There will be many dangers ahead that you will encounter.
Remember your training and obey your commanders, this will
keep you alive during the arduous days of battle. Always
stay with the plan, if you deviate from it you will be in
grave jeopardy.

When the time of battle is over, be wary as you go into the
towns and cities ahead because there are many hidden dangers
lurking there.
There will be many temptations to lure you away from your
brothers in arms and this could put you in danger even if
it seems safe at the time.
 In every town there will be a street that will be most
treacherous of all and there will be strong drink to dull
your senses, loud and crude songs to suppress your hearing,
and wild women of ill repute to enable your enemy to catch
you off guard.  My advice to you as a former soldier is simple -
- What ever you do... FIND THAT STREET SON."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE BIG BOSS

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be
 Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the
 whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain
 about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all
 the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and
 the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being
 the Boss.
So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and
 refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands
 clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began
 to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be
 the boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the boss just
 sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss -
 any asshole will do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What happens when you make a W.I.S.H?  You can bring WEALTH,
INSPIRATION, SUCCESS & HAPPINESS into your life starting today.

If you loved �THE SECRET�, then �Pass It On!� is a must see. It's more
than a movie...it's a movement!

You can get the life you deserve.  Pass It On is about achieving the
life you want and then finding your own way to Pass It On.  Learn it,
Live it and then share with someone else.

Act now on the Law of Attraction and achieve your W.I.S.H. 
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/WISH.html
and being the journey of your lifetime. Take your shot and make it
count!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/WISH.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/WISH.html">Here</a>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STATUTORY WARNING FROM POLICE

Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and un-suspecting
 pub regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a
 drink offer from a girl.

There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it
 is generally in liquid form. The drug is now being used by
 female sexual predators at parties to convince their male
 victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is
 that "beer" is available virtually anywhere!

All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few
 units of "beer" and simply ask the guy home for no-strings
 -attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against
 such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb
 to desires to perform sex acts on horrific looking women
 who they would never normally be attracted to.

Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy
 memories of exactly what has happened to them the night
 before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
 At other times these unfortunate men might be stung for
 their life's worth in a familiar scam know as "a
 relationship" - apparently men are easier victims for this
 scam after the "beer" has been administered and have
 already been sexually attacked.

However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the
 predatory women administering it, there are male support
 groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the
 details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank
 manner with a bunch of similarly-affected like-minded guys.
 For the nearest support group near you just look up 'Public
 House' in the yellow pages.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Get a personalized letter from Santa to your child.

Letter includes:
* Your child's name, home town, and best friends name.
* Postmarked from the North Pole and mailed with a Santa stamp.
* Signed by Santa himself.
* High quality paper and stationary.

http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Santa.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Santa.html">Here</a>

Also available - a "Good Boy/Girl Certificate" as well as
a follow up postcard from Santa sent after Christmas from
Santa's favorite vacation spot.


More to come later....just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

Everything below this line is put in by Topica and
      is NOT a sponsor of "No Holds Barred" !!

===========================================================


For MORE Great Entertainment Visit:
http://www.AikensLaughs.com

--^----------------------------------------------------------------
This email was sent to: jokesareus@optushome.com.au

EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://topica.com/u/?bUrBZ5.b8uXJ7.am9rZXNh
Or send an email to: NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@topica.com

For Topica's complete suite of email marketing solutions visit:
http://www.topica.com/?p=TEXFOOTER
--^----------------------------------------------------------------