MyJokeMail Issue: 01/06/02

 
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
MyJokeMail Issue: 01/06/02

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Letter From the Editor:

<Flashback Issue: This issue was sent on January 6th, 2001.  New issues will be sent starting soon!>

Ok, I am a little pissed right now. I can't tell you how frustrating it can be to have your website in the hands of someone else. You see, MyJokeMail.com is so big that I don't actually have it at my house. It is located in Pennsylvania somewhere, and I pay $150 a month to have it that way. The reason why it isn't at my house is because I don't have a fast enough Internet connection to support everyone visiting the page at one time. And even if I did have a fast Internet connection, I don't have the hardware to have an extra web server lying around.

Why am I saying this? Because I go to send some of the JokeMail yesterday, and one of my lists has been disabled. DISABLED I tell you! No warning or nothing. I wrote an angry letter back to these a-holes in Pennsylvania, but they have yet to respond. God, I can't wait for the day when everything will be in my house, and I won't have to waste money on crap like this.

Sorry guys, just venting. Even I have to do that once in a while.

Keep smiling,

Jeff

MyJokeMail Quotes of the Day

"Dammit Jeff! What the hell's wrong with you? First you don't send me my issue of JokeMail on Thursday, then Friday you send me the same issue twice. Is there a problem with your computer or something? Come on, man, quit screwing with my head like that!!!"

-----pyromaniac985 (Jeff's Note: No one's head is being screwed with more than mine right now. I'm working on it, my friend.)

"I'm proud to say that I have broken NONE of my resolutions. The trick is to make ones that you know you won't break! I can't believe I hadn't figured that out before, and so far my resolutions to eat chocolate every day, to sleep more, and to spend all of my spare money on myself are working like a charm."

-----Chipmunk Cheeks

"Hey Jeff, just here to say that MyJokeMail Rules! Well, I am kinda wondering when you are gonna get more love/hate letters? Those are the funniest things I ever read. They are from people who are retards, like that one who said he lives by the saying "what would Jesus do?", and then he said he was gonna take action, that shit was hilarious! Well, can you please put in more letters?"

-----Patriot_1999 (Jeff's Note: I actually have a bunch of new letters all ready to go for you guys. I am just waiting until these email problems get solved before I release them to you guys. Hang in there.)

"Q. Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

A. You would too if your name was "Urghrrghrghr"."

-----PBC-WHOA

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MyJokeMail Jokes of the Day

JEWISH HOLIDAY

Yassar Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer: "You will die on a Jewish holiday.

"Which one?" Arafat asks nervously.

"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish holiday.

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TOP 10 WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS

1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. When someone says, "Have a nice day," say you have other plans.

5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

6. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram.

7. Make a list of things to do that you've already done.

8. Dance naked in front of your pets.

9. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing were wrong.

10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman Numerals.

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COPS (R)

There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night.

Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third veteran comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. The other two cops ask him, "Why are you so happy?"

He tells them, "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I hid my pistol cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time."

The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face and tells the other veteran, "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great."

The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, pissed as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says, "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! The bitch almost bit off my dick and she shit in my face!"

MyJokeMail Facts of the Day:

"I've come to the conclusion that our society is based on two things: Sex and Money... That must be why the porn industry does so well. But wouldn't this mean that our society is based on Prostitution.. Sex FOR Money??"

-----Alex F.

"Wintergreen lifesavers make sparks when you bite them. Try it out: stand in front of a mirror in a dark room, bite into it with your back teeth, but make sure not to get it wet. I used to know why they make sparks, but i forget; has something to do w/ the chemical makeup or something But it's pretty cool!"

-----minnie109

"If it weren't for food coloring, Coca-Cola would be green."

-----Fiesteechild

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MyJokeMail Website News:

You have just read a flashback issue of MyJokeMail as we continue to get all parts of the site up and running you will see more and more of these in your inbox. Once we are fully operational you can expect to see new fresh newletters.

Please remember to submit your funnies by going to http://myjokemail.com or emailing us at submit@myjokemail.com

Thanks and Keep Smiling!

Mike

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