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Friday 16th November, 2007 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
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Well well.. I'm sooo ready for my nice Italian meal tonight, funded by my
missus which is always the way to go! (She won a £100 free meal through
work, so I'm not the really tight boyfriend she insists.. just tight).
So, after Italy tonight, we'll be cheering Italy tomorrow when they play
the mighty Scotland at footy. The reason for my misguided loyalty? I can't
stand the thought of all my colleagues rubbing it in when England don't
qualify and Scotland do!
Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email
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Big Superman... OUCH!
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Blood Suckers
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Always Dump Before You Jump
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+ General Joke
New York Driving Rules:
Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long Island driver
never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and
the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else
putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going
with the flow."
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have
of getting hit.
Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensurhat your ABS
kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your
legs.
Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful
information. They are only there to make Long Island look high-tech, and
to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked on the
median.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are
apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if
someone is just changing a tire.
Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives
Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be followed
in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way to work, or the
beach.
Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the
previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of
ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new
vehicle sales.
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© Copyright 2007 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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