Friday, 3 April 2009

[No Holds Barred] for APR 3 2009

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                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!
 
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Redneck Vasectomy
 
A North Carolina couple, both true rednecks, had 9 children. They
went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".
 
The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what
finally made them make the decision -- why after nine children, would
they choose to do this?
 
The husband and wife replied that they had read in a recent article that
one out of every ten children being born in the Carolinas was Mexican,
and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby
because neither of them could speak Spanish.

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There once was a man named Eugene
Who invented a screwing machine.
    Concave and convex
    It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.

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WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?
 
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
 
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
 
The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when
we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do
you remember back then?" he asks solemnly.
 
The wife is almost reduced to tears herself, just thinking how caring
and sensitive her husband is. "Yes, I do" she replies.
 
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you
remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
 
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.
 
The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved that
shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will
send you to jail for 20 years?"
 
"I remember that, too" she replies softly.
 
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten
out today."

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There was a young lad - name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
       His father said, "Durcan!
       Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

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Windows Utilities - Software Street
Discover a new world of exciting home software!
 
http://www.software-street.com/?afl=50860

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The Proper Way to Say "Going to Pee"
 
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question:
 
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
 
Michael said," Just a minute, I have to go pee."
 
The teacher responded by saying," That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
 
Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be
right back."
 
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?"
 
I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
meet after dinner."
 
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There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her heels in a doorway.
       She told her young man,
      "Get off the divan,
I think I've discovered one more way!"

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                                             TOONS
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Tourists
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010suckin_off.jpg
 
Surprised
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Surprised.jpg
 
True happiness
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010truehapp1.jpg
 
Good advertising
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010tshirt-009.jpg
 
Viagra overdose
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Viagra_Overdose.gif
 
Refreshing honesty              
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=tshirt-039.jpg
 
COOPS                
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=TVshow-Coops.jpg
 
Wife              
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Wife.JPG
 
Early GPS                      
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=ad-GPS.jpg
 
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!                    
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=AHHHHHH.jpg
 
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Self-Development - Self Help Street
Discover a world of new & exciting self-development products!
 
http://www.selfhelpstreet.com/?afl=50860
 
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                                         MORE TOONS
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Adam
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000014.html
 
Addidas Sign
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000016.html
 
Weirdo's In The News
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32170.htm
 
Easy Rider
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270656.htm
 
Got Milk
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270676.htm
 
Gum Ball Machine
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270677.htm
 
Sushi
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270678.htm
 
Communicating
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v046.html
 
I'm sorry Mrs. Halftrack
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0129.html
 
Trick the blind man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0111.html
 
Wrong pocket
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0112.html
 
Protection from sunburn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0113.html
 
Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com
 
Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php
 
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                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
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Steve Martin on US Airways Flight 1549
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsvwmcKYzjM
 
Daily Snopes
http://www.snopes.com/daily/
 
Stephen Hawking Sex Tape
http://www.youtube.com/v/LaLIBrWNoOY
 
Doggy Style Blog
http://www.maddogblog.com/
 
Outhouse racing!
(after the videos jump down the page to the Yearly Race Photos)
http://www.jldr.com/ohindex_ohracing.shtml
 
Folk Art in Bottles
http://www.sdjones.net/FolkArt/
 
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Privacy Tools - Privacy Central
Discover a whole world of leading computer privacy tools.
 
http://www.privacy-central.com/?afl=50860
 
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                                            GAME TIME
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Flip Words
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38742&s=n
 
Snowy Puzzle Islands
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38756&s=n
 
Keepie Up
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38767&s=n
 
Thing Thing Arena 3
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39657&s=n
 
6 full on games for the week end
http://www.jokeroo.com/games/index.html
 
Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383
 
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                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
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DO you WANT to SEE some SKIN?
 
For a fine selection of naughty bits...
Delivered right to your mailbox...
 
GO HERE NOW!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-mat..html
-----------------------------------------
If you're interested in anything Military
Then you need to Cruise by here
Enlist some good Services
To keep you informed and amused
 
http://able2laff.com/EZ/milty..html
 
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http://Able2Laff.com
 
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http://Able2Laugh.com
 
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Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
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