\\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////
Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!
PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there is a rip
in one of the bags,and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto
the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of your bag."
"Oh, really? Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning."
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there is a game, a lot
of the fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds!
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each
time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say, '$20 or
off it comes!' "
"Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By the
way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
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Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
"I am rather like a mosquito in a nudist camp; I know what I ought to
do, but I don't know where to begin." ---Stephen Bayne
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True Story from Houston Medical Center
A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his
hoohoo. According to the nurse attending, the patient's girlfriend
found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used
petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep.
I don't know what's worse:
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo.
3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring.
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Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury
Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear ..
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Acne Freedom in 72 Hours
Discover the secrets to combatting acne --
including the 72 hour miracle!
http://www.totalacnefreedom.com/?afl=50860
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TEN PET PEEVES THAT DOGS HAVE ABOUT HUMANS
1. Blaming your farts on me.... Not funny... Not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we
chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo
Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when
I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but
I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth. You're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss
here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
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If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy
driving cabs and cutting hair." --- George Burns
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TOONS
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Huge breasts
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010signs0010.jpg
Cracker snack
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Snacksx010.jpg
Golf distraction
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010sports0027.jpg
STOMP!!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010STOMP.jpg
Berry berry nice! (smut alet)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Fruitx010.jpg
Pig in a blanket
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Sandwich002.jpg
Cat treat
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Shopping005.jpg
Bar Rules
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sign010.jpg
Speedy wheels
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Speedy-wheels.jpg
Telemarketer
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=telemarketer.jpg
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The Language Professor
The Easiest way to learn a language
GREAT for all Ages!
Learn 22 languages!
Get your 10 day trial software FREE!
http://tinyurl.com/dny2r4
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MORE TOONS
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What was it?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u036.html
Dear God
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q041.html
Hat's off to Earl
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q042.html
Being a bastard
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v044.html
Complaints
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v045.html
Not Capable
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41225.htm
Just Once
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41222.htm
Bull Fighter
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050613.htm
Prominent Politician
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050614.htm
Change Of Name
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32169.htm
Abuse Of Power
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000012.html
Adam and Eve
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000015.html
Random Joke & Cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com
Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php
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FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
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Deleting Temptation
http://www.maddogproductions.com/ds_porn_prayer.htm
Johnny Paycheck - Take This Job and Shove It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knetbVx5A-Q
Do Beer, Not Drugs
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38550&s=n
Lion vs. Man, Simply Amazing Bravery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4usMXS2LexM
The Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/
Top April Fool's Pranks
http://www.afunzone.com/ATopic/Top_April_Fools_Days_Pranks.htm
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WEBMASTERS!
Shopping for a new host?
How about UNLIMITED disk space and bandwidth...
with ALL the bells and whistles?
Now...how about only $75 for a YEAR!?!
All sub-domains are only $10 for a year.
http://www.hostmonster.com/track/thorn/mags
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GAME TIME
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Armed Invasion Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39085&s=n
Thing Thing Arena 3
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39657&s=n
Boxhead Zombie Wars
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39660&s=n
Virtual Villagers
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38761&s=n
Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383
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Some Other Lists to Enjoy
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Get a jolt of inspiration in your life!
Let your mailbox bring GOOD tidings for a change.
Drop by here for a nice morale boost.
http://able2laff.com/EZ/insp.html
---------
Pets Pets Pets
No matter what pet you may have
You may always know more about them.
Come join others for stories, tips, and fun.
http://able2laff.com/EZ/pets.html
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To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com
To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com
Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com
Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com
Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com
Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
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