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The Family Tree (by ron unsworth, published Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00)
161.
The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors
had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators
and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their
children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one
problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George, who was
executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of
applied electronics at an important government institution, was
attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death
came as a great shock."


Walter (by ron unsworth, published Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00)
162.
A woman checked in at the pearly gates and asked to join her former husband,
Walter Smith. Saint Peter said, "We have five million Walter Smiths. Give us a
little clue."

The woman said, "My Walter is bald and has blue eyes, and he said that if I ever
slept with another man he'd turn over in his grave."

Saint Peter motioned an angel forward. "Take her to Turning Walter!"


The stand in teacher (by ron unsworth, published Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00)

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his
regular teacher.

She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it
has an "r" after the first letter."

The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to
his desk the teacher asks what her name is.

Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after
the first letter."

"That's right!" she coaxed.

Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

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