No Holds Barred! 05-20-08

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Lawyer Q and A

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning laywer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: No.
A3: Good!

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of feces?
A: The bucket.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his rear.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.

Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q. What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A. When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is
to cluck defiance.

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Petishun
~~~~~~~
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes
about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and
makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to
the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream
cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will
be on are side.

We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this
pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as
much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't
get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make
up jokes about you and we will laff.

Sined by the blonds at the ofise
________________________________________
________________________________________
________________________________________

(sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)


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Several years ago, I had a real bad run of hard luck. It started out
with my favorite dog being killed by a speeding truck.
My wife filed for divorce and took nearly everything that I owned.
Still, I was thankful that I had a job but then the
company closed it's doors and Un-employment compensation just wasn't
enough for me to make ends meet so I started
picking Wild Blueberries and sold them door to door for some extra
money.

I wasn't making a lot of money but at least I was getting by. I
stopped at a house one day with my tray of fresh picked
Wild Blueberries and a beautiful young lady came to the door dressed
in only a flimsey see through gown. I started
through my sales pitch but she interupted and asked me in for coffee
and whatever.

I broke down crying right there on her door step. When she asked what
was wrong, I told her of all of my woes and
losses and finally said; AND NOW,- You want to screw me out of my
Blueberries!

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is NOT a sponsor of "No Holds Barred" !!

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