Fun4U: Rules Guys wish Girls knew

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Please note...these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse
to answer.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down.

1. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer
you do not want to hear.

1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and Nascar.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar.
Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

1. Check your oil. Please.

1. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not
both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at.

1. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring
at boobs.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends
like THEIR relationships are SO MUCH better.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. What the hell is a doily?

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