Joke Compilations: September 2008

Monday, 29 September 2008

Saturday, 27 September 2008

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MyBlog Sept 23 2008 (by Administrator)

Well as you should have seen in your inbox last week we started sending out the newsletter again. My hopes is to have it start coming out every morning, but until I get the list cleaned up and a few more bugs worked out it probably won't happen for awhile. I've noticed that in the last few days the Kids Drawings section has had a few flaming responses left on it. So if you get a chance go check that out and leave your own feedback on the section. I'm working on getting some of the old sites content back up on the site and that should be active here real soon. I want to say thank you to everyone that checks out the site and for visiting our sponsors links. This site is paid for by the sponsors so it helps. Thanks and Keep Smiling Mike MJM Admin

Sex First Night (by ron unsworth)

There was this young couple who have dated since high school, but they have never had sex because the boy's mother always told him that what a woman has between her legs has teeth. For obvious reasons, the boy has always been afraid to venture down there.

They finally marry, and on their wedding night, the young groom walks out of the bathroom to find his new bride dressed in a very sexy negligee and lying invitingly on the bed. She says to him, "Oh honey, here's the moment we've been waiting for.... It's time to consummate our marriage."

He is apparently flustered, and says, "Oh, no....I'm not going down there!"

The confused bride asks, "But honey, why not?"

He turned to her and said, "Well, my mother always told me that what a woman has between her legs has teeth."

The bride laughed and said, "That's nonsense; here, let me show you." So, she whips off her negligee, spreads her legs open, and pulls her nether lips apart, saying, "See honey?... No teeth!"

The groom quickly replies, "My God! With gum disease like that, it's no WONDER you have no teeth!!"

Corny Answer Machines (by ron unsworth)

You really get bored with answering machines....but what if the messages are like the following:

1) Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

2) Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

3) Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, its you.

4) Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

5) (Sexy female voice with heavy panting) Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in (sigh) Oh no, he's out (aah) Yes, he's in again,(ooh) No he's out (aah) Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he... comes.

Sex A Quickie (by ron unsworth)

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you !"

He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped her knickers off and gave her one there and then. When he finished he started putting his clothes on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door

"What's wrong ? Didn't you come ? Do you want more ?"
His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my arsehole !!"

Sex The Fishing trip (by ron unsworth)

At the Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When he finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, "Up or Down?" There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day She said yes, and here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or Down?" The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or Down ? "She replied "Up."

This really confused the gentleman, so he asked, "What's the deal ? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing !"

She replied, "Well yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "FUCK or DROWN"

Sex In Ye days of Olde. (by ron unsworth)

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.

Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underpants....So......

Insult Hoping to see the POPE (by ron unsworth)

A catholic bishop went to Rome and was determined to meet the pope.

He went to St Peter's square and stood at the front of the crowd. He was fortunate enough to see the Pope leaving the Basilica so he tried to attract his attention. The Pope however, stopped just short of him and spoke quietly to a dishevelled and disgusting old tramp before moving on,ignoring the bishop.

Now the bishop thought that the Pope must be a good and caring man who would go out of his way for the poor and down trodden. So the bishop asked the tramp to sell him his rags which he wore the next day in St Peter's square. The bishop was fortunate enough to see the Pope again and this time the Pope put his arm round the bishop's shoulder and said.

"Didn't I tell you to fuck off yesterday!"

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Friday, 26 September 2008

JE - Markets Drive George Crazy

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+ General Joke
VERY bad joke..

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only
3 Survivors; Bob, Tom and Sue.
They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of
years doing what's natural for men and women to do.

After several years of casual s*x, all the time, Sue felt absolutely
horrible about what she was doing.

She felt having s*x with both Bob and Tom was so immoral and bad that she
killed herself.

It was tragic, but Bob and Tom managed to get through it. After a while,
Bob and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable
happened.

Well, a couple more years went by and Bob and Tom began to feel absolutely
horrible about what they were doing.

So they buried Sue.

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Thursday, 25 September 2008

Fun4U: 911

Fun4U: The Constitution of Love

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PREAMBLE We the young in order for a more perfect kiss
enable to hug ... To promote the popularity of Love not to kiss who
you please but to please who you kiss.

CODE If you Love someone, show them and say so

STATEMENT If a kiss is the language of Love ... Then we
have a lot to talk about

METHODS OF LOVE Kiss on the ear is "I'm Horny" Kiss on
the cheek is "We're Friends" Kiss on the hand is "I Adore You" Kiss on
the shoulder is "I Want You" Kiss on the lips is "I Love You" Kiss on
everywhere else is "Let's get Busy" Holding hands is "We Can Learn To
Love Each Other" A wink is "Let's Get It On" Slap on the butt is "Watch
Out" Playing with the ear is "I Can't Live Without You" Arms around the
waist is "I Love You To Much To Let Go" Pulling hair on head is "Tell
Me You Love Me" Looking into each other's eyes is "Let's Get Romantic"
Holding on thigh is "Don't Let Go"

ADVICE If you are kissing someone, close your eyes,
it's not nice to stare.

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Tuesday, 23 September 2008

JE - Credit Crunch Returns

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+ General Joke
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, 'Want coffee.'

The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee
down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks
out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand,
pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the
counter and says to the waiter, 'Want coffee.'

The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from
yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'

The Indian smiles and proudly says, 'Training for position in United
States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for
others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.'

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Monday, 22 September 2008

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MyBlog Website Update (by Administrator)

Hello Everyone!

It's been awhile since I sent out a newsletter. I'm currently working on a new newsletter setup for the site and for the next few days you may or may not see a newsletter while I fine tune the site.

Please feel free to report any bugs or problems you have to me. Mike@myjokemail.com

Thanks
Mike

Dirty Two Ants (by ron unsworth)

There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties.

One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour.

So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up.

One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant.

"It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?".

"Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."

Sex First Night (by ron unsworth)

There was this young couple who have dated since high school, but they have never had sex because the boy's mother always told him that what a woman has between her legs has teeth. For obvious reasons, the boy has always been afraid to venture down there.

They finally marry, and on their wedding night, the young groom walks out of the bathroom to find his new bride dressed in a very sexy negligee and lying invitingly on the bed. She says to him, "Oh honey, here's the moment we've been waiting for.... It's time to consummate our marriage."

He is apparently flustered, and says, "Oh, no....I'm not going down there!"

The confused bride asks, "But honey, why not?"

He turned to her and said, "Well, my mother always told me that what a woman has between her legs has teeth."

The bride laughed and said, "That's nonsense; here, let me show you." So, she whips off her negligee, spreads her legs open, and pulls her nether lips apart, saying, "See honey?... No teeth!"

The groom quickly replies, "My God! With gum disease like that, it's no WONDER you have no teeth!!"

Fun4U: Little Johnny 323

Fun4U: Deja vu

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You've probably heard of "deja vu," the illusion of having previously
experienced a situation that is happening now. Here are some related
expressions

Feel like I've...

...milked this cow before: deja moo
...seen this strange animal before: deja gnu
...smelled this bad odor before: deja phew
...visited this menagerie before: deja zoo
...scared this person away before: deja boo
...read this mystery book before: deja clue
...been in this courtroom before: deja sue
...felt this bad before: deja rue
...felt this sad before: deja blue
...expanded this way before: deja grew
...seen this slime before: deja goo
...learned this stuff before: deja knew
...waited in line before: deja queue
...eaten this dinner before: deja stew
...pursued this person before: deja woo
...forgotten this your name before: deja who
...had this feeling of deja vu before: deja too
...seen these twins before: deja two
...used this beer recipe before: deja brew
...been on this airplane before: deja flew
...came up with this innovation before: deja new
...fed these pigeons before: deja coo
...sketched this portrait before: deja drew
...ended this relationship before: deja through
...felt this ill before: deja flu
...sheared this sheep before: deja ewe
...munched on this gum ball before: deja chew
...sat through this sermon before: deja pew
...played in this wet grass before: deja dew
...admired this scenery before: deja ooo
...lost it under the bed before: deja shoo
...exposed the real facts before: deja true

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Thursday, 18 September 2008

MyJokeMail.com / Newsletter

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Newsletter

Sex

The Credit Crunch

(by ron unsworth)

**Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and
Jack. They were both extremely
good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where
needed. Mr. Smith was looking
over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money
to warrant two employees
and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such
good workers he was having
trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch
them work and the first one to
take a break would be the one he would lay off.

So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets
a terrible headache and needs
to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to
the water cooler to get
something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water
cooler, taps her on the shoulder
and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Sarah says, "You'll have to jack off - I have a headache !"
**

Insult

The Elevator

(by ron unsworth)

**A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees the HUGE guy
standing next to him. The big guy
sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says, " 7 feet
tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch
penis, 2 lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, Turner Brown. The
small guy faints dead away and
falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to by slapping his face and
shaking him. "What's
wrong with you?"
In a very weak voice, the little guys says. "Excuse me, but what
EXACTLY did you say to
me?"

The big guy says, "I saw the curiuos look on your face and figured
I'd just give the
answers to the questions everyone always asks me, I'm 7 feet tall,
350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2
lb. left testicle, 2 lb. right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown.

The small guy says "Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around!"
**

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JE - Creationism Explained

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+ General Joke
Q. What should you do if you get an e-mail with the subject
"N*de pictures of Sarah Palin"?

A. Whatever you do, don't open it! It could contain a computer v1rus!

Q. What should you do if you get an e-mail with the subject
"N*de pictures of Hillary Clinton"?

A. Whatever you do, don't open it! It could contain n*de pictures of
Hillary Clinton!

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Tuesday, 16 September 2008

JE - Obama Campaign Movement

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Well, I'll be honest, 'Meltdown Monday' is not great for Tommy.
Yes, I haven't been handed a cardboard box and asked to vacate,
but working in finance is not the greatest place to be right now.

Maybe it's back to the meagre stipend from Joke Email to keep me
in cheap wine and pasta!

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Editor - Joke Email

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+ General Joke
How many members of the Republican Party does it take to change a
light bulb?

Answer: TEN...

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb
needs to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for
changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished",

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush
was literally "in the dark" the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how John McCain
has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never
actually managed to change the light bulb.

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Monday, 15 September 2008

Fun4U: At the Clinic...

Fun4U: Little Johnny 363

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Many years ago, a rich oil tycoon was becoming angry as he had 6 children,
all girls, and therefore had no son and heir.

Imagine his joy when his wife finally presented him with his only son
and heir. He immediately named him Johnny after his father!

Just before Little Johnny's sixth birthday, the tycoon took him to
one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want,
I shall get for you."

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him American Airlines.

Just before Little Johnny's seventh birthday, the tycoon took him to one
side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get
for you."

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him Princess
Cruise Lines.

Just before Little Johnny's eighth birthday, the tycoon took him to one
side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want,
I shall get for you."

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him Disney Studios
and their theaters, where he watched all his favorite cartoons.

Just before Little Johnny's ninth birthday, the tycoon took him to one
side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want,
I shall get for you."

Little Johnny, who had really gotten into the Disney cartoons, replied,
"Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father went and bought him
Microsoft.

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Saturday, 13 September 2008

JE - McCain Palin Ticket

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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey folks.
In a rush - been a big week. Enjoy the jokes and have yourself
a top weekend.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
The McCain Palin ticket
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/mccain_palin.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/mccain_palin.htm "> AOL </a>

Deodorant Commercial Accurate:
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/deo.htm
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Spiderman Rescue Mary Jane:
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/spiderman.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/spiderman.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Late night humor

"According to the Washington Post, Barack Obama and actress Scarlett Johansson
are email buddies. Apparently they email each other back and forth. So, you've
got a 23-year-old gorgeous, blonde actress emailing a married presidential
candidate. Well, what could go wrong there? Not to be outdone today, John
McCain admitted he had been exchanging flirty emails with Angela Lansbury."
--Jay Leno

"CNN reports that John McCain is aggressively trying to win over the independent
vote. Yeah, of course, to John McCain, independent means anyone who can make it
to the toilet without help." --Conan O'Brien

"And John McCain is campaigning very hard. Every day I pick up the newspaper,
he's someplace else. He's got a new strategy. Well John McCain just announced
he wants to do a series of town hall meetings where he'll meet with the public.
Yeah, it's all part of McCain's 'Speak Up, I Can't Hear You' tour."
--Conan O'Brien

"You know who I like is that John McCain. ... He looks like the guy at the
hardware store who makes the keys. He looks like the guy who can't stop talking
about how well his tomatoes are doing. He looks like the guy who goes into town
for turpentine. He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of
new places. He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the
car wash." --David Letterman

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
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Friday, 12 September 2008

Fun4U: To Go Blind?

Fun4U: Proxy Husband

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A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her
bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter
playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?", asked the mom. "Mom,
I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married
so this is pretty much my husband". The mother walked out of the room,
shaking her head.

The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and
upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What
the hell are you doing?", he asked. His daughter replied, "I already
told mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married
so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband". The father walked
out of the room shaking his head too.

The next day the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in
one hand, and the vibrator in the other hand, watching the football
game. "For Chrissakes, what are you doing?" she cried. The husband
replied "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and
watching the game with my new son-in-law!"

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Thursday, 11 September 2008

JE - John's Wish

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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey folks.
Need to keep this relatively brief since I have a tonne of work to
do tonight in preparation for a job interview on Friday. Fingers
crossed that goes well (one of the usual competency-based suckers),
but seriously in need of some sleep.

Last weekend was a non-stop adventure - flew to Malaga in Spain after
work, picked up a hire car and drove for two hours to the British jewel
of the Med - Gibraltar! (the spanish aren't very keen on me calling it
that, but who cares). After a night in Gib, it was off to Tangiers in
Morroco on Saturday. Apparently it's Ramadan though, so there was limited
sustenance. After a whistle stop tour of the old 'beats' (think Jack
Kerouac et al) we boarded the ferry back to Spain, big night out in Tarifa
before heading home Sunday. Slightly fatigued!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
McCain's Wish
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/john_cindy.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/john_cindy.htm "> AOL </a>

The Mummy 3: Tomb Of The Dragon
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dragon.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dragon.htm "> AOL </a>

The Black Knight
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/knight.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/knight.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Back in the Swinging Sixties, Michael Caine is holding a big showbiz party
in his swanky new house.

Everyone who's anyone is there, top stars from the worlds of movies and
music, fashion and art.

There's a constant supply of beer, the best wines that money can buy,
oysters, champagne.

Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and co.
are sitting on the couch singing "Light My Fire", over in the corner George
Peppard is getting very pally with Sophia Loren.

All's going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out of his
skull, and wants to go home for an early night curled up with a good book.

"Oi, Jim," objects Michael Caine, "the party's just got started. How's about
I get one of 'the ladies' to take you into the spare bedroom for a bit of
the old 'how's yer father'?"

"Fair play," nods Jim, "As long as she does the rest of the band, too."

"Not a problem, Jim," smiles Michael. He pulls a young dolly bird in close
and whispers some instructions in her ear.

Half an hour later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in walks
Ringo Starr.

"Alright, luv?" he drones, "don't suppose you fancy extending that service
to me, do you?"

The young girl thinks about this for a second, then says "What the hell!"
and proceeds to unzip Ringo's fly and get to work.

Ringo's having a grand time, until, mere moments before the end, the door
opens and Michael Caine bursts in.

He grabs the young girl by the back of the hair and slaps her hard across
the face!

"Wh-what the hell was that for?" she whimpers.

"I told you," Caine snarls.....

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....."You're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off..."

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Tuesday, 9 September 2008

JE - What Palin is Fighting

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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Morning all!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
What Palin is Fighting for..
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Man Reads 2 Papers In Bathroom:
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Collateral Damages:
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<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/damages.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Most Overheard Comment at the Republican Convention
As overheard from every married male attendee calling home by cell phone on
his way out of the convention:

"...yeah, she'll make a really, REALLY great VP...
Hey, Honey, uh...can you be wearing glasses when I get home??"

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Monday, 8 September 2008

Fun4U: Potty!

Fun4U: Hair Salon Tune

Thursday, 4 September 2008

JE - Palin's Alaskan Supporters

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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Off to Spain for the weekend. Gonna be massive!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Spongebob Squarepants RPG
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I Need a Hug Pleeease
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/hug.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/hug.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Olympic Bloopers

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her
snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and
father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Yes, there have been injuries, and even some deaths in
boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Vollyball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again."

6. Football analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like
it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC
president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Football commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got
eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that,
before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh
my God, what have I just said?"

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Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Fun4U: Little Johnny 175

Fun4U: Battle of the Sex #4

JE - No Regrets..?

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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Have a great week,

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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No Regrets?
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/no_regrets.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/no_regrets.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
when you think your'e having a bad day ...............read this and
know that it could have been worse.

While walking through Hyde Park in London , a man came
upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing
this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You've got to be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped
his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the
other bloke slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, watch, car
keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this man
handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What happened to you?"

He told the other man the whole terrible story about how he got
there.

When he finished his story, the other man shook his head in sympathy, walked
around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just
ain't gonna be your day, cupcake..."

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Monday, 29 September 2008

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Friday, 26 September 2008

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Monday, 22 September 2008

Thursday, 18 September 2008

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Monday, 15 September 2008

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Friday, 12 September 2008

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Monday, 8 September 2008

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

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