JE - Why Harry likes Magic..

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+ The Starter
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Alright folks.
Quick one from me tonight.. bit like David Beckham's much heralded
debut for the Galaxy. Believe me, you'll be sick of his wife within
days. Don't know how the poor guy does it..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Why Harry Potter likes Magic..
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Shoplifter Seagull
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Man on Fire

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+ Topical Joke
An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his
lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up
to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands
and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared
at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent
and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them
to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled because
the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked
either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to
come here?"

The old pastor mustered all his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died
between two thieves, and that's how I want to go.

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No Holds Barred! 07-25-07

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No Holds Barred! 07-24-07

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Fun4U: Albert Einstein Quotes

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* "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more
    violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move
    in the opposite direction."
 * "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
 * "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
 * "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
 * "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
 * "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
 * "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
 * "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
 * "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
 * "God is subtle but he is not malicious."
 * "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
 * "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
 * "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
 * "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
 * "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
 * "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
 * "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
 * "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
 * "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
 * "Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living
    at it."
 * "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
 * "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
 * "God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates
    empirically."
 * "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday
    thinking."
 * "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological
    criminal."
 * "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
 * "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is
    comprehensible."
 * "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used
    when we created them."
 * "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned
    in school."
 * "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own
    reason for existing."
 * "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you
    mine are still greater."
 * "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present,
    but an equation is something for eternity."
 * "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x;
    y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
 * "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm
    not sure about the the universe."
 * "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain,
    as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
 * "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
    is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
 * "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
    War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
 * "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must,
    above all, be a sheep."
 * "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's
    no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
 * "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a
    cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans
    themselves."
 * "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense
    that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
 * "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain
    in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon
    as first love?"
 * "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
    spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
    with our frail and feeble mind."
 * "Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics
    and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important,
    for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical
    equation stands forever."
 * "The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of
    thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If
    only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
 * "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The
    latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit
    to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his
    intelligence."
 * "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is
    the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is
    a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe,
    is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
 * "A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy,
    education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man
    would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of
    punishment and hope of reward after death."
 * "The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more
    certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not
    lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith,
    but through striving after rational knowledge."
 * "Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That
    means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the
    distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly
    persistent illusion."
 * "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull
    his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you
    understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send
    signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that
    there is no cat."
 * "One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations,
    whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect
    on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the
    consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an
    entire year."
 * "...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science
    is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless
    dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A
    finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into
    the world of objective perception and thought."
 * "He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my
    contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him
    the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization
    should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently
    I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be
    torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction
    that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
 * "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part
    limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and
    feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical
    delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for
    us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few
    persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this
    prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living
    creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
 * "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that
    can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)
 
 [by Kevin Harris]
 
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Fun4U: You know you're living in 2007 when

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1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
 
 2. You haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.
 
 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
 
 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
 
 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
    they don't have e-mail addresses.
 
 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
    anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
 
 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
    screen.
 
 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
    first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
    and you turn around to go and get it.
 
 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
 
 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
 
 12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
 
 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
    message.
 
 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
 
 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't #9 on
    this list.
 
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JE - Mad for Potter..

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Monday 23rd July, 2007 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
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Morning folks.
I'm penning this email to you on Sunday morning, in an attempt to
manage my time much more efficiently this week. Obviously this won't
work longterm, but whilst the missus 'dries her hair' and does all
other manner of activities principally designed to delay my day, I
thought I'd constructively utilise my time.

We're off to the zoo today. On a busy Sunday.
I think you can probably feel my pain..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Girls go Mad for Potter!
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Cutest Orange Kitten:

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World Domination:

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+ Topical Joke
It's how politics work kids..

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the
world.

After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his
hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical
health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your
husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those
things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the
kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right,
question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and
asks him what his name is.

"Larry."

"And what is your question?"

"I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical
health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your
husband shamed the office? Third - whatever happened to all those
things you took when you left the White House? Fourth - why did the
recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth - what happened to
Kenneth?"

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© Copyright 2007 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.

No Holds Barred! 07-23-07

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