JE - Thankyou Japan

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Keep laughing

Tom Evans
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What we thank Japan for
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Are You on TV?
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Voted The Top 10 Funny Posters
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+ General Joke
When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the
newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea.

Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family
phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of
diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhea, but I thought it
would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than
the big sh1t that he really was."

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JE - Cat Norris

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Monday 27th July, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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Enjoy the jokes, folks.
Was away for the weekend in a footy tournament. Got beat!! Bad!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Cat Norris
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Basic Rifle Marksmanship
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+ General Joke
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,
but I just couldn't hack it … so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor,
but I just wasn't suited for it … mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a Quick Fit Centre,
but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber,
but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef,
figured it would add spice to my life, but I just didn't have the
thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker,
but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician,
but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor,
but I didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory,
I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch,
so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a job working for a swimming pool maintenance
company,
but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes,
but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium,
but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting,
but the work was shocking.
After years of trying to find work, I finally got a job as an
historian,
until I realised there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks Coffee,
but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM A PERFECT FIT FOR THE JOB!

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JE - Swine Flu Medication

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Thursday 23rd July, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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So Friday is nearly upon us!
I haven't contracted swine flu yet.. best get some Tamiflu regardless!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Are You Nearsighted?
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+ General Joke
My brother invited his boss to dinner.While waiting for my sister in
law to bring the roast to the table, the boss asked my teenage neice
what she was going to do in the summer holidays.

"I've got a job at the local garage," she replied,"I'm in charge of
the car and lorry wash."

"Oh that's all automated now, isn't it?" said the boss.

"No the wash is manual but we've just installed a mechanical air
drying system....."

His wife came into the room just in time to hear her daughter say,

"....so when the drivers come in, first I give them a hand j0b and the
I give them a blow."

And that is how the roast hit the carpet.

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JE - Swine Flu

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Monday 20th July, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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Afternoon folks.
So the start of a new week on the anniversary of man reaching the moon.
Personally, nothing fascinates me more than Apollo 11 and all it encompasses.
No jokes attached, I find it remarkable that Armstrong et al would go to the moon
knowing they only had about a 50/50 chance of coming home. That's balls folks..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Dog Eat Cat
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Chaos of Mana
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+ General Joke
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&;M University has invented a
bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing
up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when
cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after he had announced the invention, a large group of
men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the sh*t out of him.

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JE - Mr Awesome

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Tuesday 7th July, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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Here it is folks..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Octopus Eats Self
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Superhero Name
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+ General Joke
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't
go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."

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Fun4U: 100 Camels

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As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a
    Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.  An Arab salesman
    approached them carrying belts.
 
 After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they
    were from.
 
 "America," the husband replied.
 
 Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded.  "She's not
    from the States."
 
 "Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your
    husband?" "Yes." she replied.
 
 Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels for
    her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence.
    Finally he replied, "she's not for sale."
 
 After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband
    what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was
    trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
 
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Fun4U: Just Counting

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There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,"21,
    21, 21..."
 
 Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says, "What are you doing?"
 
 The brunette replies, "Just counting."
 
 The blonde says, "May I join you?"
 
 "Yes," replies the brunette.
 
 So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad
    tracks saying," 21, 21, 21..."
 
 A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit.
 
 After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,"22,
    22, 22..."
 
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Fun4U: Babies ....

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Little Girl to her friend: "I'm never having kids. I hear they take nine
    months to download."
 
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Fun4U: Little Johnny 28

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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class
    that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who
    answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On
    the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in
    the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday,
    the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again
    no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next
    Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.
 
 So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them
    black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At
    the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's
    question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong
    balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who
    find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.
    The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
    Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya
    on Tuesday!"
 
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JE - Wimbledon

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+ General Joke

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the
car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared
in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed,
"Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver
sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger
rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said,
"What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it,"
to the driver, rolling up the window in terror.

A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The
driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the
speedometer says we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a
light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window
and shakily said, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw
a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"

They were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they
had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more
tapping.

"Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and
screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"

The old man gently replied, "You want some help getting out of the
mud?"

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