JE - We're Not Banking

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+ The Starter
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Weekend time! Oh yes.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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We're Not Lending
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/no_banking.htm
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Lousy Bum
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Bad Boy Drill
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+ General Joke
Once upon a time, there lived a green man in a green house which was
in a green district. One day while he was bathing, a female friend of
his came round to visit and rang the doorbell. Upon hearing his
doorbell, the green man hastily wrapped a towel round himself and went
to open the door. At that moment, he accidentally dropped his towel
and his friend screamed in shock. Still screaming, she ran off and got
knocked down when she dashed across a road. She died, the end.

What is the moral of the story?

Ans: NEVER cross the road when the green man is flashing.

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JE - Credit Crunch Monopoly

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Right guys.
Bit of a short edition today, but nonetheless packed!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Credit Crunch Monopoly
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Monkeys, Mar1juana & Crime
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Obama Irish Song is Smash Hit
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/irish.htm
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+ General Joke
At his first press conference as president-elect, Barack Obama said
America will succeed if we can put aside partisanship and politics.
In other words, we're totally screwed.

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JE - Hitting Rock Bottom

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Morning all.

Had a busy weekend down in the north of England catching up with
my pals I met in Australia a few years ago (for the hardened JE
subscribers, you may recall the 'interesting' photos from my world
trip way back then..

http://www.jokeemail.com/travels/oz/oz1.htm

So, few beers, bit of partying, and then I enjoyed the boxing as
'Magic Man' Malinaggi presented a nice illusion of someone getting
whupped by our local hero Ricky 'Fatton'. Good times.

But back in Scotland today, back to the grind. Joy.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Hitting Rock Bottom..
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N1pple Twist
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Kissing Cops Banned
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+ General Joke
An intellectual puzzler to kick off the week!

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one
orders a beer, the second orders half a beer the third asks for a
quarter of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the bartender says
"You're all idiots", and pours two beers.

If you don't get it, consult a friendly maths geek.

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JE - Opinions Best Kept to Yourself

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Dirty Harry
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+ General Joke
The Yuppie was accosted by a hooker. She said,
"How 'bout some relaxing fun honey... only $50... you look all uptight."

"No way!" the man responded. "I'm married!!!"

"So???" queried the hooker.

"My wife only charges $35."

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JE - Hugo Chavez Saves the Economy

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Ho hum. Here's todays humor for you lucky lucky people.

Tom Evans
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Gorgeous Person Day
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+ General Joke
It's election day. A conservative goes in to a bar and orders 10 shots of whisky.

One by one is drinks them down.

The bartender, a RINO, says "wow, what was that about?"

The conservative replies, "Just cast my vote for McCain."

Bartender says, "Great, let me buy you another one"

Conservative says,
"No thanks, if 10 doesn't wash the taste out of my mouth nothing will"

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JE - George Can't Save the Economy

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Morning, morning!

Slow weekend for me. I sense I am - like others - attempting to
save cash by staying in over the weekend and frugally watching
TV on Saturday nights than going out. This recession lark isn't
too much fun...

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Cheating Husband
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Palin as New Wonder Woman
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+ General Joke
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the
subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My
husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained.

"He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts.
He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."

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Fun4U: Great Writer

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to
become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in
pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

-=[-(r1483)--------------------------------------------------(lp:72.0%)--]=-
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Fun4U: State Mottos

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Kansas: Toto isn't here anymore.

Wisconsin: Wear cheese or die.

Oklahoma: Rather Sooner than Later.

Hawaii: Try our lei-away program.

Mississippi: Elvis was born here, but heck, even *he* left.

California: Hey, with this many of us, we can make it legal!

New Jersey: Waste not ... send it here instead.

Nevada: Two to one you'll come again!

Washington: If we'd meant DC, we'd have said DC, stupid.

Massachusetts: Taxus Por Un Fortunat Bums.

Tennessee: To stay here, you'd HAVE to be a Volunteer!

Alabama: At least you're not in Mississippi.

Idaho: And don't even joke about the &%$#)%^ potatoes!

West Virginia: Well, it sounded better than Eastern Ohio...

Florida: Give me your sick, your old, your rich retirees...

South Carolina: Settled by prisoners, what do you expect.

North Carolina: Furniture out the wazoo.

Maryland: The best place to get crabs.

Nebraska: Not much to look at, but we sure have a lot of it.

Alaska: Colder than a polar bear's patoot.

South Dakota: To rent this space call 1-800-SEE-COWS.

Michigan: Where cars used to come from.

Arkansas: Send us your contributions, we'll send you our Bill...

Wyoming: More elk than people, but not much traffic.

Delaware: Parking for Dupont employees only.

Vermont: We boil sap.

New Hampshire: We boil sap too.

Ohio: The pillow state -- round on both ends, high in the middle and full
of fluff.

Missouri: We love company...

North Dakota: We wish we even had sap.

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JE - Who Needs Michelle..?

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aha! It's a rare Thursday edition to keep you on your toes!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Massive Wedgie
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Wikipedia Wh0res Whopper
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/wiki.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/wiki.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They

were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight.

Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to

get to eat the loser's balls. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got

his meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the waiter over to

complain.
"I've waited six weeks for bull balls. What are these?"

"Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."

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JE - Why McCain Lost

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Morning folks.
Enjoy the humor..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Why McCain Lost..
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Retards
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Virginville
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+ General Joke
How you can tell that Sarah Palin is from Alaska:

Sarah Palin knows how to skin a moose with a penknife.
Sarah Palin wrote a Caribou recipe book.
Sarah Palin calls "Baked Alaska" "Baked Here."
Sarah Palin know which leaves are safe to use for toilet paper.
Sarah Palin rides to the Governor's mansion on a stretch snowmobile.
Sarah Palin has waffle soles on her high heels.
Sarah Palin has three pairs of formal waders.
If you ask Sarah Palin what the four seasons in Alaska are she will tell you that they're

Early Winter, Winter, Late Winter and Road Repair.
Sarah Palin's customized snowblower can do 60 on fresh snow.
Sarah Palin keeps her cosmetics in her hunting bag.

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JE - Obama Shows Us How

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Howdy folks.
So we have a new President in waiting, and I'm pleasantly pleased.
Aside from the $1000 hole in my wallet which McCain would have delivered
through my genius bet on him in January, I feel Mr Obama is more likely
to sort things out than grizzly John - he did seem a tad bitter towards
the end. The most amusing aspect of all of this is that Palin thinks
she might go for the top slot in 2012! I say take her out onto the tundra
now and put her out of her misery - still, she can at least look forward
to a future of cheap, trashy magazine stories. A career beckons..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Other Woman's Mucus
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The Man With No Face
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+ General Joke
Some general rules of life..

Advise your children to get you quality gifts. After all, they don't want to
inherit junk.

Beware of a chiropractor who wears a neck brace.

Beware of bargains in life belts, parachutes and heart transplants.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; if you aren't home by then
you're in trouble.

Despite what you read in the papers, people don't usually die in
alphabetical order.

Never hire an electrician with no eyebrows.

Be suspicious if you discover that your car mechanic has clean fingernails.

If lightning strikes, make sure that you're walking next to a tall person.

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JE - McCain Ready to Rule

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One day to election fever.
My eleven month wager on McCain at odds of 20-1 seems unlikely to
deliver a hefty winter bonus for Tommy. But you never know..
you may note I have a vested in the election which makes it
difficult to be impartial!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Microsoft Merger With McDonalds
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Massive Wedgie
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+ General Joke
An elderly couple was vacationing in the American West. Sam had always
wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. On the next to the last day
of their vacation, he saw the perfect boots on sale, bought them, and
proudly wore them home.

He sauntered into their hotel room and said to his wife, "Notice anything
different, Helen?"

Helen looked him over, and said: "Nope."

Sam replied excitedly, "Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything
different about me?"

Helen looked again. "Nope."

Frustrated, Sam stormed off into the bathroom, undressed, and clomped back
into the room, completely naked, except for his boots.

Again, he asked, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT?"
Helen looked up and said: "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today,
it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Sam yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, HELEN? IT'S
HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"

To which Helen replied: "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam; you shoulda bought a
hat."

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Fun4U: Involuntary Muscles

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A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The
subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to
perk up the students a bit, asks her if she knows what her asshole
does when she has an orgasm.

"Sure." she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids."

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Fun4U: Investment Tip

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While I typically do not attempt to give out investment advice, this is
something I can really get behind.

If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be
worth $49.00.

If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year
ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit,
you would have $79.00.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

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