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Monday 8th January, 2007 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
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Alright folks.
So the GREAT news for this Monday morning... I've finally managed to hook
my broadband connection up to my new laptop, and download all the files
necessary to continue the Joke Email empire for another few years.
Therefore, pleased to announce that rather than the old funny pictures
I've had to recycle for the past 4 months (apologies), I'm back in the
groove with fresh, new funny pictures for your delectation and enjoyment!
So, starting the trend on a high.. do you really think this chancer went
all the way on Millionaire? Thought not.
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/millionaire.htm
News on my front - spent the weekend doing the 'good boyfriend' thing for
my girl's Birthday. My plan is to over-impress, stock up the brownie
points, then sit back and wait for my Nintendo Wii to hustle it's way
through the door come Valentine's Day. Could happen!
Have a great one..
Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email
webmaster@jokeemail.com
+ New Funny Pics:
Who Wants to be a Millionaire ... Winner?
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/millionaire.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/millionaire.htm "> AOL </a>
Tyra Banks Goes Insane
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/tyra.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/tyra.htm "> AOL </a>
+ Topical Joke
For those of us still feeling the effects of New Years..
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5
sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving
a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay,
but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you
are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still
tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic
Friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were
home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee,
a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't
peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly
Or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore
nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one
side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your
make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one
big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in
perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during
the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually
annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is
seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your
teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your
body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell
the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt
to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented
fluid with a rare ' floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of
this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your
ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...
Six Star Hangover (******)
Tom's normal day.. or at least so it feels..
For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm
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