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Tuesday 6th January, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
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Well a belated HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've been tres busy over the last few weeks, but thankfully my final
'event' of the season occurs over the next few days with the girl
friend's Birthday, leaving me free to enjoy the rest of January!
However, I have a confession to make: I'm off to my very first
tango lesson tonight with the lady. As my flatmate rightly points out,
I am a litle bit whipped!
Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email
+ New Funny Pics:
Nicole Ritchie's New Year Resolution
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/new_year.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/new_year.htm "> AOL </a>
The Camel Had It Coming
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/camel.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/camel.htm "> AOL </a>
Here Today, Gun Tomorrow
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/gun.htm
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+ General Joke
2008 Darwin Awards
You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further
ado, here are the 2008 Darwin awards.
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach
used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the
scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
cartridge cases in the shop.
The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at
2:00 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the
window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the
window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival
at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee rope's; Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured
one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of
animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say
ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of
the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground
where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of
those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING
THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL...
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© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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