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Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you like a woman
ho has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way out?"
"No," says Carlos.
Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang almost to her knees?"
"No," says Carlos.
"Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so mucho grande?"
"Caramba! No, amigo!" Carlos replied.
"Theen tell me why," asked Armando, "do you keep screwing my wife?"
-=[-(r3479)--------------------------------------------------(lp:71.4%)--]=-
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Monday, 29 September 2008
Fun4U: What is AOL?
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An organization set up to give Internetters someone to make ethnic
jokes about.
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An organization set up to give Internetters someone to make ethnic
jokes about.
-=[-(r 223)--------------------------------------------------(lp:71.4%)--]=-
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Saturday, 27 September 2008
MyJokeMail.com / Newsletter
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MyBlog Sept 23 2008 (by Administrator)
Well as you should have seen in your inbox last week we started sending out the newsletter again. My hopes is to have it start coming out every morning, but until I get the list cleaned up and a few more bugs worked out it probably won't happen for awhile. I've noticed that in the last few days the Kids Drawings section has had a few flaming responses left on it. So if you get a chance go check that out and leave your own feedback on the section. I'm working on getting some of the old sites content back up on the site and that should be active here real soon. I want to say thank you to everyone that checks out the site and for visiting our sponsors links. This site is paid for by the sponsors so it helps. Thanks and Keep Smiling Mike MJM Admin
Sex First Night (by ron unsworth)
There was this young couple who have dated since high school, but they have never had sex because the boy's mother always told him that what a woman has between her legs has teeth. For obvious reasons, the boy has always been afraid to venture down there.
Corny Answer Machines (by ron unsworth)
You really get bored with answering machines....but what if the messages are like the following:
Sex A Quickie (by ron unsworth)
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you !"
Sex The Fishing trip (by ron unsworth)
At the Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
Sex In Ye days of Olde. (by ron unsworth)
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Insult Hoping to see the POPE (by ron unsworth)
A catholic bishop went to Rome and was determined to meet the pope.
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MyBlog Sept 23 2008 (by Administrator)
Well as you should have seen in your inbox last week we started sending out the newsletter again. My hopes is to have it start coming out every morning, but until I get the list cleaned up and a few more bugs worked out it probably won't happen for awhile. I've noticed that in the last few days the Kids Drawings section has had a few flaming responses left on it. So if you get a chance go check that out and leave your own feedback on the section. I'm working on getting some of the old sites content back up on the site and that should be active here real soon. I want to say thank you to everyone that checks out the site and for visiting our sponsors links. This site is paid for by the sponsors so it helps. Thanks and Keep Smiling Mike MJM Admin
Sex First Night (by ron unsworth)
There was this young couple who have dated since high school, but they have never had sex because the boy's mother always told him that what a woman has between her legs has teeth. For obvious reasons, the boy has always been afraid to venture down there.
They finally marry, and on their wedding night, the young groom walks out of the bathroom to find his new bride dressed in a very sexy negligee and lying invitingly on the bed. She says to him, "Oh honey, here's the moment we've been waiting for.... It's time to consummate our marriage."
He is apparently flustered, and says, "Oh, no....I'm not going down there!"
The confused bride asks, "But honey, why not?"
He turned to her and said, "Well, my mother always told me that what a woman has between her legs has teeth."
The bride laughed and said, "That's nonsense; here, let me show you." So, she whips off her negligee, spreads her legs open, and pulls her nether lips apart, saying, "See honey?... No teeth!"
The groom quickly replies, "My God! With gum disease like that, it's no WONDER you have no teeth!!"
Corny Answer Machines (by ron unsworth)You really get bored with answering machines....but what if the messages are like the following:
1) Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
2) Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company, I've already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
3) Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, its you.
4) Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
5) (Sexy female voice with heavy panting) Hi, you've reached 555-3456. John is in (sigh) Oh no, he's out (aah) Yes, he's in again,(ooh) No he's out (aah) Why don't you just leave your name and number and he'll call you as soon as he... comes.
Sex A Quickie (by ron unsworth)A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you !"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped her knickers off and gave her one there and then. When he finished he started putting his clothes on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door
"What's wrong ? Didn't you come ? Do you want more ?"
His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my arsehole !!"
Sex The Fishing trip (by ron unsworth)At the Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When he finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, "Up or Down?" There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day She said yes, and here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or Down?" The woman replied, "Down."
A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, "Up or Down ? "She replied "Up."
This really confused the gentleman, so he asked, "What's the deal ? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing !"
She replied, "Well yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were "FUCK or DROWN"
Sex In Ye days of Olde. (by ron unsworth)Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.
Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underpants....So......
Insult Hoping to see the POPE (by ron unsworth)A catholic bishop went to Rome and was determined to meet the pope.
He went to St Peter's square and stood at the front of the crowd. He was fortunate enough to see the Pope leaving the Basilica so he tried to attract his attention. The Pope however, stopped just short of him and spoke quietly to a dishevelled and disgusting old tramp before moving on,ignoring the bishop.
Now the bishop thought that the Pope must be a good and caring man who would go out of his way for the poor and down trodden. So the bishop asked the tramp to sell him his rags which he wore the next day in St Peter's square. The bishop was fortunate enough to see the Pope again and this time the Pope put his arm round the bishop's shoulder and said.
"Didn't I tell you to fuck off yesterday!"
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Friday, 26 September 2008
JE - Markets Drive George Crazy
Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
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Thurs 25th September, 2008 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
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On hols this week folks, so enjoy some old faves..
Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email
+ New Funny Pics:
Stockmarkets Send George Crazy
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/bush_tasty.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/bush_tasty.htm "> AOL </a>
+ General Joke
VERY bad joke..
A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only
3 Survivors; Bob, Tom and Sue.
They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of
years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual s*x, all the time, Sue felt absolutely
horrible about what she was doing.
She felt having s*x with both Bob and Tom was so immoral and bad that she
killed herself.
It was tragic, but Bob and Tom managed to get through it. After a while,
Bob and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable
happened.
Well, a couple more years went by and Bob and Tom began to feel absolutely
horrible about what they were doing.
So they buried Sue.
For more jokes, stroll on over to:
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+ Contact Information
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Thursday, 25 September 2008
Fun4U: 911
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A man frantically calls 911 and says, "Help ... my wife has gone into
labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart".
911: "Is this her first child?".
Man: "Of course not, you idiot ... this is her husband".
-=[-(r1183)--------------------------------------------------(lp:71.4%)--]=-
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A man frantically calls 911 and says, "Help ... my wife has gone into
labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart".
911: "Is this her first child?".
Man: "Of course not, you idiot ... this is her husband".
-=[-(r1183)--------------------------------------------------(lp:71.4%)--]=-
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Fun4U: The Constitution of Love
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PREAMBLE We the young in order for a more perfect kiss
enable to hug ... To promote the popularity of Love not to kiss who
you please but to please who you kiss.
CODE If you Love someone, show them and say so
STATEMENT If a kiss is the language of Love ... Then we
have a lot to talk about
METHODS OF LOVE Kiss on the ear is "I'm Horny" Kiss on
the cheek is "We're Friends" Kiss on the hand is "I Adore You" Kiss on
the shoulder is "I Want You" Kiss on the lips is "I Love You" Kiss on
everywhere else is "Let's get Busy" Holding hands is "We Can Learn To
Love Each Other" A wink is "Let's Get It On" Slap on the butt is "Watch
Out" Playing with the ear is "I Can't Live Without You" Arms around the
waist is "I Love You To Much To Let Go" Pulling hair on head is "Tell
Me You Love Me" Looking into each other's eyes is "Let's Get Romantic"
Holding on thigh is "Don't Let Go"
ADVICE If you are kissing someone, close your eyes,
it's not nice to stare.
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PREAMBLE We the young in order for a more perfect kiss
enable to hug ... To promote the popularity of Love not to kiss who
you please but to please who you kiss.
CODE If you Love someone, show them and say so
STATEMENT If a kiss is the language of Love ... Then we
have a lot to talk about
METHODS OF LOVE Kiss on the ear is "I'm Horny" Kiss on
the cheek is "We're Friends" Kiss on the hand is "I Adore You" Kiss on
the shoulder is "I Want You" Kiss on the lips is "I Love You" Kiss on
everywhere else is "Let's get Busy" Holding hands is "We Can Learn To
Love Each Other" A wink is "Let's Get It On" Slap on the butt is "Watch
Out" Playing with the ear is "I Can't Live Without You" Arms around the
waist is "I Love You To Much To Let Go" Pulling hair on head is "Tell
Me You Love Me" Looking into each other's eyes is "Let's Get Romantic"
Holding on thigh is "Don't Let Go"
ADVICE If you are kissing someone, close your eyes,
it's not nice to stare.
-=[-(r 395)--------------------------------------------------(lp:71.4%)--]=-
-=[ latest jokes online at http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
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Tuesday, 23 September 2008
JE - Credit Crunch Returns
Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
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Monday 22nd September, 2008 70,000 subscribers
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this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.
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Monday 22nd September, 2008 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.
+ The Starter
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On hols this week folks, so enjoy some old faves..
Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email
+ New Funny Pics:
Credit Crunch Returns..
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/creditcrunch.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/creditcrunch.htm "> AOL </a>
+ General Joke
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, 'Want coffee.'
The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee
down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks
out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand,
pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the
counter and says to the waiter, 'Want coffee.'
The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from
yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?'
The Indian smiles and proudly says, 'Training for position in United
States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for
others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.'
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