No Holds Barred! 03-18-08

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JE - Merry St Paddys Day

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+ The Starter
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Hmm.. the fact I work in the finance industry hasn't exactly made my day to
hear about the issues/problems at good old Bear Sterns. On the bright side,
I didn't invest in them, and wisely haven't touched the stockmarket in
years, preferring instead the relative safety and unpredictability of
sportsbook wagering. Well at least I admire the people who lose my money!

Ah well, have a Guiness for St Patricks Day!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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3AM Call to the White House

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Catholic Gas

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+ General Joke
An Ode to Eliot Spitzer Options

Love Client #9
(Sung to the tune of Love Potion #9)

I took my troubles down to Washington
You know that town where you can pay for fun
The Emperors Club made a mighty fine dime
Sellin' little Kristen to
Love Client Number Nine

I told her that I was a flop with chicks
I'd been this way since my election was fixed
She looked at my cash, the receipt she did sign
She said, "Let me call you
Love Client Number Nine"

She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink
She said, "We're gonna do it right here on the sink"
But let us first get loose with a very stiff drink
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I didn't think

I didn't know if it was day or night
The Feds were tapping every phone in sight
But when I kissed a call girl who made me pay for time
The FBI labeled me
Love Client Number Nine

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No Holds Barred! 03-17-08

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Fun4U: Professional Help

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A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek
the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the
profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat
thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um,
I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

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Fun4U: I Love My Job

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I love My Job
I Love My Job, I Love the pay
I love it more and more each Day.
I Love my boss, he is the best!

I Love my office and its location, I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and green, and my piles of papers that grow
each day!
I think my job is really swell, there's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers, I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.
I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it don't care.
I love each program and every file.
I'd love them more if they worked a while.

I am happy to be here. I am, I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job - I'll say it again - I even Love those friendly men.

Those friendly men who've come today.
In clean white coats to take me away.

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No Holds Barred! 03-14-08

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JE - Spitzer tries to explain..

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+ The Starter
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Busy, newsworthy week. Hope you enjoy!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Spitzer Tries to Explain
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+ General Joke
Seems oh so fitting following Mr Spitzer's announcement this week...

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Men are always right; and women are never wrong.....

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.

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