Joke Compilations

Friday, 23 January 2009

[No Holds Barred] for JAN 21 2009

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Toons

Cooking tip
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002CookingTip.gif

Cherry dessert
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002Dessert018.jpg

Dog's day in court
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002Dogs_day_in_court.jpg

CIA
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002dsign102.jpg

Candy cream snack (smut alert)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Snacksx003.jpg

Stewardess
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Stewardess.jpg

Strippers
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Strippers.jpg

Tree Twat
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003TreeCunt06.jpg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Federal Court Bans DVD Copying Program
Limited Quantity available and then they're gone forever

* The #1 DVD Backup Program
* Create Perfect Quality Movie Backups on DVD
* Burns DVD movies to DVD-R(W) and DVD+R(W) Discs
* Limited Quantity Available at Liquidation Price

http://tinyurl.com/32jgwf

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toons

Cutbacks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w028.html

A new kind of mouse
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w029.html

A lucky man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c021.html

Our special song
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c023.html

B.S.
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11108.htm

Great Nights
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11107.htm

Routine Exam
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11106.htm

Ass Kickers
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/11104.htm

Today's Gibble Guts Cartoon
http://www.gibbleguts.net/freetoons/gibtoon.gif

Random Joke & Cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes.com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Extras...

Mankind Overboard!
http://www.maddogproductions.com/ds_overboard.htm

Obama TV: All Obama, all the time
http://www.nshima.com/2008/11/obama-tv.html

Kevin Bloody Wilson - Supa Mega Fugly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5w5QNCv12g

X-Raye [GAME]
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?i=38830&pid=1675&u=3463

Top 10 Most Expensive Accidents in History
http://www.wreckedexotics.com/articles/011.shtml

World's smallest girl
http://tinyurl.com/5so2u4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in
the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his
fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful
woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just
a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $20 million."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days
later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

POOR TASTE CLONING QUESTIONS

Are the pope and his clone both infallible?
What if they disagree about something?

Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue?

If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show,
wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all
look forward to?

If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?

If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby
O.J. Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict?

If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us
find out?

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or
wait, Henry IV Part II?

If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to play
with himself as a child?

Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds"
and "irregulars"?

Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted?

Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two
together to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two
heads, but that would still be way more normal.

Would it work if I binged and my clone purged?

Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers,
create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park
called Clonial Williamsburg?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Democrats' plan is to get the country out of the mess the Republicans
got it into while trying to get it out of the mess the Democrats
got it into. (Joe Hickman)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                  Let the artist in you go CRAZY!
                     Body paint & liquid latex
                     http://tinyurl.com/4fblt5

                             Aphrodisiacs
                          5 pages of choices
                      http://tinyurl.com/4nc2wc

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a minor medical problem so my doctor referred me to a female
urologist.

I saw her last Friday. She is absolutely gorgeous and unbelievably
sexy.

The first thing she told me is that I have to stop masturbating.

When I asked her why, she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A Mechanic.

Assisted suicide advocate Jack Kevorkian lost his bid for Congress
and blamed it on a political system he says is "too corrupt." It
had nothing to do with the fact that all of the people who supported
him are dead. (Paul Seaburn)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Davids Beautiful Babes
Do you wanna see some Lovely Ladies?
Well that is what we have here.

You can bet one thing they will be
delivered free to your mailbox.
Visit the group's home page at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Davids_Beautiful_Babes
To join send a blank e-mail to:
Davids_Beautiful_Babes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dred's Dolls

Wanna see lovely women baring it all for you?
Then this is the group you've been looking for.
Come see what we have waiting for you??
You can bet one thing...they will be delivered
free to your mailbox 3 times a week
Visit the group's home page at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dreds_dolls
Send a blank e-mail to:
dreds_dolls-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More to come later....
just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Listmasters...a few goodies here for you!
http://able2laugh.com/master/

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Tuesday, 20 January 2009

[No Holds Barred] for JAN 19 2009

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       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

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Toons

Deadly taxes
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001tax1.jpg

Prison
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Prison.jpg

True love
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001TrueLove.JPG

Phone Sex
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003phone-sex.gif

How Milk Chocolate Is Made
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Milk_Chocolate.jpg

Perfectly Safe
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003safe.jpg

Chunky soup
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Shoppingx002.jpg

Plumber
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003signs0003.jpg

Abusement park
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002Abusement_Park.JPG

Daleks bottle attack
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002ad-bottle-opener3.jpg

Beauty Aids
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002BeautyAids.jpg

Funeral picnic
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002bury.jpg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Click Here to get your Healthy Samples:
http://tinyurl.com/5sfx3x

MORE FREE HEALTHY SAMPLES for FALL
http://tinyurl.com/6pzt5w

Join FreeFly's and get FREE SAMPLES of NAME BRAND PRODUCTS
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toons

Accordion Detective
http://tinyurl.com/5bu2g3

Taco Bell's Special Sauce (naughty alert)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Lunchx003.jpg

One point landing
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=002-1-point-landing.jpg

Candy Snack
http://tinyurl.com/5vzcfz

Don't understand
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w015.html

How come
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w016.html

You are here
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w018.html

Theory
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w019.html

Weight distribution
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w025.html

Mouse trap
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w026.html

Tree huggers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w027.html

Random Joke & Cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Today's Gibble Guts Cartoon
http://www.gibbleguts.net/freetoons/gibtoon.gif

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes.com/JPGS/display_pic.php
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Extras...

A VERY strange site full of some VERY strange downloads
http://www.punchbaby.com

Urban Blind Jousting (Not in the X-Games Yet): A True Story
http://tinyurl.com/5ueo7j

Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw - Jimmy Buffett
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wFpvRMIIEM

The Onion
http://www.theonion.com/content/index

Cheech & Chong Live '78 - Red Neck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxLRAxN651w

Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSEOXRLSpVc

Saudi Arabia Holds First Beauty Pageant...for Sheep!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,445807,00.html

The door to HELL
http://englishrussia.com/?p=1830

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2007

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His
father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house
is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we
can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past your room last night and
heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell
you to wait because she was coming, too. And I'll be damned if I'm
staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Golden Oldie]

Old Gunslinger

A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an
elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation
of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place
next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of
his great ambition.

"Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing,
you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower
down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Sure will," replied the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and
shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the hot shot. "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where
the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his
gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

"Wow!" exclaimed the cowboy. "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any
more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See
that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease
on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle
and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the
piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as
much."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A vicar books into a hotel and says to the blonde receptionist,
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

'No,' she says, "it's just regular porn .... you sick #!!*@&^%!."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you Wild or Mild?

Search and View Millions of Wild or Mild singles.
Take a chance; find someone today! 100% FREE!

Click below to find your match:
http://tinyurl.com/axv3j9

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A MATTER OF ETHICS

Doctor John had sex with one of his patients but felt very guilty.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in
his head that said: John, don't worry about it. You aren't the first
medical practitioner to have sex with one of their patients, and you
won't be the last...and you're single. Just let it go, John.

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to
reality, whispering: John, you're a veterinarian, you sick bastard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Constipation - To have and to hold.

Nun - A woman who ain't never had none, don't want none, and ain't
going to get none.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's good! It's funny! It's free!
It's "Nuthin' But 'Net"!

7 jokes a day, 7 days per week,every week.
Ratings from "G" to "OMG!"

Send a blank Email to:
nuthinbutnet-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Or visit:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nuthinbutnet/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUNNERS

Come Play With Us!
Sometimes We Play Naughty! Sometimes We Play Nice!
But We Do Have FUN!
Adult-Humor from G (oh yeh) to X (oh my)!
Come Join Our FUN! We have Something For Everyone!
If you are 18 or older, come on in, get comfy and enjoy the FUN!!

JustForFunForYou-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JustForFunForYou/join

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sexy_Tags

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Sexy_Tags/

Subscribe e-mail:
Sexy_Tags-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

ADULT - includes graphic nudity.
Request tags and share stats, jokes, etc.
NO LURKERS. Chit chat encouraged. Very few rules.
Extremely high volume-ask for tips to cut down on mail if needed.

Designers wanted-tag blanks or your own creations whenever you can.
If you want to tag for us and don't want to join the group-
just send your offers to owner and she'll forward them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More to come later....
just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Listmasters...a few goodies here for you!
http://able2laugh.com/master/

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JE - Bush Ponders Inauguration

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Monday 19th January, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey folks, not a lot of fun and games in the outside world today.
So, all's the more reason to read our jokes and crack a smile!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Bush Ponders Inauguration
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/coronation.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/coronation.htm "> AOL </a>

Ozzy Soundboard
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/ozzy.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/ozzy.htm "> AOL </a>

Clash N Slash
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/clash.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/clash.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Non-news story: Plane makes forced landing in in New York.
No-one killed. As Dubya's disastrous term ends, he's trying now to make amends:

"These Islamic geese, are a threat to our peace: It's the quacksis of evil, my friends."

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Monday, 19 January 2009

Fun4U: Advice from the doctor

-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-
-=[   Fun4you a service of FuN - wOrLd - http://www.hehe.at/funworld/   ]=-
-=[   un/subscribe requests @ http://www.hehe.at/funworld/fun4you.html ]=-
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A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When
    the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor
    patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines
    and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going
    to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's
    advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine,
    I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have
    my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially
    around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take
    her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself
    to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone.
    Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your
    advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years
    and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."

-=[-(r 58)--------------------------------------------------(lp:73.6%)--]=-
-=[ latest jokes online at http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
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-=[       to rate this joke from 1 to 5.                                 ]=-
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Fun4U: Little Johnny 347

Thursday, 15 January 2009

JE - Epic Failure

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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey folks, enjoy the humor!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Epic Failure
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/epic_failure.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/epic_failure.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
I was crossing the road with my wife when suddenly she was run over by a lorry.....

.......bloody h*ll I thought, that could have been me..........but then I realised I

could not drive a lorry.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
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Tuesday, 13 January 2009

[No Holds Barred] for Jan 12 2009

===========================================================

      \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toons

Burnout
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001Burnout.jpg

Cookie sales
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001cookie-sales.jpg

Open Holidays
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=002signs0002.jpg

REAL phone sex (naughty alert)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=002phonesex3.jpg

Dessert time
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001Dessert017.jpg

Dog exercise
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001dog-exercise.jpg

UFO AHEAD
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001dsign101.jpg

Queer Aid (Engrish blooper)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=002Snacksx002.jpg

Shirt advertising
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=002tshirt-001.jpg

Food sculpture
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001food-sculptures002.jpg

Welcome to A O HELL
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=002Welcome_2_Hell.jpg

We need a room for this?
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001grammar-crisis-room.jpg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hundreds of Screensavers! Totally Free!
NO registration required...NO Spyware or Adware
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FREE HEALTHY SAMPLES
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toons

Unknown models
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=002Unknown-Models.jpg

Good Advice
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001History-advice.jpg

Still life
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=001EatMoreVeggies007.jpg

Little Likker (naughty alert)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003A_little_likker.jpg

On the Brain
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=003Brain2.gif

Sunglow
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a056.html

Sorry sir
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a057.html

A lot cheaper
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a058.html

Extra
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a059.html

Don't forget....
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a061.html

Random Joke & Cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes.com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Extras...

Sex And The Single Panda
http://www.maddogproductions.com/ds_pandasex.htm

Thank God I'm a Country Boy!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies2879.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
(bookmark this page....all puzzles change daily)
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

Bill Engvall - Deer Hunting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUgW6OiagGs

Nervous Fat kid
http://www.banthis.com/videos/789/Nervous-Fat-Kid.html

Hypnotically weird. I watched for at least 10 minutes!
(you can move her with the mouse if she gets stuck)
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/tetka.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A salesman on business in Vegas is in a bar. He is talking to a
pretty woman for about a half hour when he realizes she is a
hooker.

"I'll give you $200 for a mediocre blow job," he says.

"Honey," she replies, "for $200 I'll give you the blow job of a
lifetime!"

"You don't understand," he says, "I'm not horny, just home-sick."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why Some Men Have Dogs and not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point
   across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a
   day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you
   get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give
    them way.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling
    you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They
    just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    There once was a man named Screwy Dick,
    A man who was born with a spiral pr1ck.
    His life was spent in one long hunt
    to find the girl with the spiral c#nt.
    When he found her he dropped dead,
    'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

World's First Digital Drug

You'll love the RUSH with a "digital drug"
Simply slip on the headphones and relax
For effects lasting hours afterward
http://tinyurl.com/5mpoqg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutional istically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
   coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking
   lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-- last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)

SALEM, OREGON -- Officials in Marion County are considering a
proposal to recycle bread, dairy products and meat. As though school
lunches weren't bad enough already.   -- Bob Mills

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - Nicole Kidman claims that swimming in Australian
Outback "fertility waters" somehow contributed to her unexpected
pregnancy. And all during her marriage to Tom Cruise, we thought
TOM was the screwball. -- Bob Mills

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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you must have a PROFILE with a legal AGE of 18 or older!
We are a fun loving group, promising smiles and laughter for all!
Sign up today and see what we got!
Invite your friends as well, the more the merrier!

Visit group on web at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WnW_BigList/

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and wackiness around...
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