Fwd: No Holds Barred! 09-10-07

To: NoHoldsBarred@topica.com
From: "No Holds Barred!!" <doughels@rcn.com>
Subject: No Holds Barred! 09-10-07
Date: Mon, 10 Sep 2007 07:38:34 +0000
Reply-To: doughels@rcn.com
X-Topica-Id: <1189409914.web002.1903.1000000>
List-Help: < http://topica.com/lists/NoHoldsBarred@topica.com/>
List-Unsubscribe: < mailto:NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@topica.com>



===========================================================

 Everything above this line is NOT a sponsor of
  No Holds Barred! and is put there by Topica.


      \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!


True love...of what?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1721.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1721.html">Here!</a>

HANG UP! You're gonna love this one!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1722.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1722.html">Here!</a>

nuts & bolts ...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1723.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1723.html">Here!</a>

Mona Lisa Wardrobe malfunction
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1724.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1724.html">Here!</a>

Protest
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1725.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1725.html">Here!</a>

Some Cutbacks
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1111.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1111.html">Here!</a>
 
Ducks Decoy
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1112.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1112.html">Here!</a>
 
I Remember My First.......
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1113.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1113.html">Here!</a>
 
Blowing Smoke
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1114.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1114.html">Here!</a>
 
Opps!!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1115.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1115.html">Here!</a>

Extras...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny743.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny744.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny745.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the
 doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an
 eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child!
 What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me
 tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He
 never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of
 a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of
 his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and
 suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised
 up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the
 handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must
 have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
 Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping.
 "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary
 didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in
 the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the
 rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the teacher said,
 Very good" and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and
 Saviour?" But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once
 again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her with his
 pin. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said,
 "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
 
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve
 say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And
 again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary
 jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that thing in me one
 more time, I'll break it in half!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who will be the Presidential FrontRunner in 2008?
Participate now and receive a FREE $500 Visa Gift Card

Rudy Giuliani
Fred Thompson

Hilary Clinton
Barack Obama
 
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Presid.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Presid.html">Here</a>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One night, as a couple retire to bed, the husband turns to
his wife and begins caressing her.
 
"I'm sorry darling," says the wife, "I've got an
with the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
 
The husband, feeling rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and tries
his luck again. This time he whispers in her ear,
 
"Do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow too?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WALL STREET SURVIVOR
$25,000 Stock Trading Challenge

A New Cash Winner Every Day!

The Web�s Only Real-Time Stock Trading Challenge
Build and manage your own $100,000 virtual stock portfolio
and compete head to head with other traders for $25,000
in REAL CASH!
DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY CASH PRIZE WINNERS

Join Now For Free.
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Stock.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/Budget.html">Here</a>



More to come later....just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

Everything below this line is put in by Topica and
      is NOT a sponsor of "No Holds Barred" !!


For MORE Great Entertainment Visit:
http://www.AikensLaughs.com

--^----------------------------------------------------------------
This email was sent to: jokesareus@optushome.com.au

EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://topica.com/u/?bUrBZ5.b8uXJ7.am9rZXNh
Or send an email to: NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@topica.com

For Topica's complete suite of email marketing solutions visit:
http://www.topica.com/?p=TEXFOOTER
--^----------------------------------------------------------------

Stephen's Snaps

This week  Truk photos.

http://photo.ebearweb.net/

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

JE - I'd be Hypnotized Too

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Friday 7th September, 2007 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey folks, have an awesome weekend!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
I'd be Hypnotized Too!
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/hypnotized.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/hypnotized.htm "> AOL </a>

Dog In Hiding From Hitman
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dog_hiding.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dog_hiding.htm "> AOL </a>

Cheating Potatohead
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/potatohead.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/potatohead.htm "> AOL </a>

+ Animal Joke
A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad
habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had
to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his
wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of
him so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the
backyard. The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his
wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up
to the heavens and sang out loudly, proclaiming...

(are you ready for this?)

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me!"

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm
______________________________________________________
You are currently subscribed to jokeemail as: jokesareus@optushome.com.au
Wanna leave?
http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B
<a href="http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B"> Click Here </a>
This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2007 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.

JE - I Didn't Do It..

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wednesday 5th September, 2007 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yo yo yo folks!
Just two weeks and a couple of days until I hit the Dominican Republic for
a week of sun-kissed relaxation. And not a moment too soon.. however, the
prevalance of hurricanes in the so-called 'hurricane' season isn't filling
me full of glee.

Ah well, natural disaster or not, it sure beats working.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
I didn't Do It!
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/didnt-do-it.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/didnt-do-it.htm "> AOL </a>

Ramp8nt Rabbit Robber Jailed
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/rabbit.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/rabbit.htm "> AOL </a>

Very Naughty Classroom Prank
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/prank.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/prank.htm "> AOL </a>

+ Topical Joke
The Ottawa Citizen (Sept.1, 2007) has a front page headline that reads,
"City pays Michael Bolton not to sing".

I was disappointed to find out that there were no tickets available
through Amex's "front of the line" feature. And by the time I called
Ticketmaster, they had no tickets left either. If only I had known sooner.

I'm hoping that, since this has proven so popular, maybe they'll pay
Celine Dion not to sing, too.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm
______________________________________________________
You are currently subscribed to jokeemail as: jokesareus@optushome.com.au
Wanna leave?
http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B
<a href="http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B"> Click Here </a>
This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2007 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.

JE - The power of Diamonds..

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Monday 3rd September, 2007 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Rushing about today, guys. So enjoy this before it spontaneously combusts!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
The Power of Diamonds..
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/diamonds.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/diamonds.htm "> AOL </a>

Halle Berry Distracts Host:

http://www.jokeemail.com/more/halle_berry.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/halle_berry.htm "> AOL </a>

Dude You're A Dad Now:

http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dude_dad.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dude_dad.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
If only it were true..

MINNEAPOLIS (CAP) - In a move apparently designed to shore up support
among conservative groups, embattled Idaho Sen. Larry Craig was
arrested yesterday for what is being described as "inappropriate"
behavior inside a Minneapolis airport women's bathroom.

"We received a number of complaints in a short period of time that an
individual was harassing and trying to hit on females in the airport
bathroom," said Minneapolis police department spokesman Edward Ballou.
"Upon our arrival, we noticed said individual, who we later determined
to be Sen. Craig, saying inappropriate things and handing out his
business card to any woman within reach."

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm
______________________________________________________
You are currently subscribed to jokeemail as: jokesareus@optushome.com.au
Wanna leave?
http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B
<a href="http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B"> Click Here </a>
This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2007 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.

Fun4U: Dentist Appointment

-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-
-=[   Fun4you a service of FuN - wOrLd - http://www.hehe.at/funworld/   ]=-
-=[   un/subscribe requests @ http://www.hehe.at/funworld/fun4you.html  ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his
    wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned
    over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
    tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
 
 Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later,
    he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered
    in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
 
-=[-(3619)---------------------------------------------------(lp:68.0%)--]=-
-=[  latest jokes online at  http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
-=[ NEW!  Go to http://www.hehe.at/funworld/archive/3619                ]=-
-=[       to rate this joke from 1 to 5.                                 ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

Fun4U: The Frog

-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-
-=[   Fun4you a service of FuN - wOrLd - http://www.hehe.at/funworld/   ]=-
-=[   un/subscribe requests @ http://www.hehe.at/funworld/fun4you.html  ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

A woman walked into a pet store one day to get some supplies. She went
    up to the cash register to pay for them and she saw a sign next to a
    small fish tank that said, "Pussy eating frogs - $2.00″ So not to be
    embarrassed she whispered to the cashier, "I'll take one of those." The
    cashier said, "Ok, now here are some instructions. Take them home and
    do every thing they say, in order."
 
 The woman went home and did every thing the instructions said. She
    first took a bath, then she put on some perfume, then she put on
    a sexy nightgown, then she laid on the bed with the frog between
    her legs. She waited and waited and nothing happened. She thought
    maybe she did something wrong, so she did everything over again and
    still nothing. She called the pet store and told the manager, "Look,
    I've done everything the instructions said and this frog won't do
    anything." The manager said, "I'll be right there."
 
 The manager arrived and the woman showed him again every thing she had
    done. The man picked up the frog and said, "I'm only going to show
    you how to do this one more time!"
 
-=[-(3620)---------------------------------------------------(lp:68.0%)--]=-
-=[  latest jokes online at  http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
-=[ NEW!  Go to http://www.hehe.at/funworld/archive/3620                ]=-
-=[       to rate this joke from 1 to 5.                                 ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

JE - Wish You Were Here

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Friday 31st August, 2007 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Howdy compadres.

I'm away to visit my sister this weekend, a weekend that sadly signals the
end of Summer as August ends (well, I know not quite, but that's the way
it feels when you live in Scotland and are teetering on the brink of
turning the heating on already).

So, I'll be hopefully be basking in the southern English sun this very
evening. We can but hope. Have a great one yourself, and if you can't be
good, be bad. You know the drill.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Wish You Were Here..
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/postcard.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/postcard.htm "> AOL </a>

Sun Protection Hair Gel
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/sun_protect.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/sun_protect.htm "> AOL </a>

Dog With Two Noses
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/2noses.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/2noses.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Aha, I love those Aussies..

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He
reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night
wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is faced by a couple of
policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says "Mate, we
have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but some good
news and maybe some more good news."

"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?"

The Sarge says "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill
here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef.
He got a line around her and pulled her up, but she was dead."

The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of
a turn, but after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what
the good news is.

The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few
really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've
brought you your share." He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of
nice crays and four or five crabs in it. "Geez thanks. They're bloody
beauts. I guess it's an ill wind and all that ... so what's the other
possible good news?"

"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here
get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and
pull her up again!"

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm
______________________________________________________
You are currently subscribed to jokeemail as: jokesareus@optushome.com.au
Wanna leave?
http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B
<a href="http://relay.netatlantic.com/cgi-bin/unsubscribe.pl?id=41257149B"> Click Here </a>
This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2007 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.