Sunday, 5 August 2007
Fun4U: Job At The Zoo
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Times were tough so when a job came up at the zoo, Jon was the first one
there. On arrival he was told that the gorilla had just died and he
was to wear a gorilla suit and pretend to be a gorilla until another
one could be found.
Jon loved his job - eating bananas, swinging from branch to branch,
entertaining visitors, lying about in the sun. Then one day he swung
a bit too far and ended up in the lion enclosure. He jumped to his
feet when he saw two lions growling fiercely and ran to the fence and
screamed for help.
Then as he turned back to face the lions one said, "If you don't stop
screaming and shouting we'll all lose our bloody jobs!"
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Fun4U: Remove My Curse
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Saturday, 4 August 2007
No Holds Barred! SPECIAL WEEKEND EDITION 08-04-07
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Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!
Mothers house for milk & cookies
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What big shares ....
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Cheap slut t-shirt shop
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Damned difficult
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Two toon for the price of one...
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Women's Toy
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The Monkey Didn't Do It
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Broad Jump
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Very Rare Case
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The Problem With "Hanging Out"!
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Well Edgeukaetid
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/018.htm
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Extras...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny90.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny91.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny92.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny525.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny526.html
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny527.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red
light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the
judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to
be back in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said:
"So you're a schoolteacher. I am about to realize a lifelong
ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write 'I
went through a stop sign.' FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well ...they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes
and the mans feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the
clerk.
Theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," he replied.
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Win lunch for a year or take the cash!
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One evening our dinner guests brought their 3-year-old son to
play with our toddler daughter. While we were talking at the
table, my husband burst out laughing and ran into the living
room. Of course, everyone's gaze followed him. It turned out
that the kids had been exploring in our room and had managed to
open my nightstand (I had removed the handle and thought it was
kidproof.). They were "shooting" each other with my vibrators.
Our friends looked absolutely horrified, and I wanted the floor
to open up and swallow me. My husband took away the "toys," and
we laughed it off, but our friends never again accepted a dinner
invitation from us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANTED: Women 25-55! We invite you to try HoodiBursts On Us:
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JE - Ikea Cat
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It's FRIDAY! Get in!!
Tom Evans
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Ikea Cat
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Deep Freeze
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Cute Kitty
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+ General Joke
Over 80 million copies of "Harry Potter and the Deathly
Hallows" were sold last week, and with two-plus readers
per book, perhaps 200 million people read the seventh
and last Harry Potter book.
Meaning millions of children are now waving home-made
wands and chanting the magic word: "Sequelae!"
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Thursday, 2 August 2007
Fun4U: Oxygen Mask
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A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth.
A young nurse enters his room to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse,"
he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know Mr. Jones, I'm only
here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Again the
nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
The head nurse walks by and sees the man getting a little distraught,
so she marches over to find out what's wrong. "Nurse," he mumbles,
"Are my testicles black?"
The head nurse whips back the sheets, pulls down the man's pajamas, moves
his penis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas and says,
"There's nothing wrong with them." Frustrated at this, the man pulls
off his oxygen mask and asks again, "I said, are my test results back?"
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Fun4U: The Magic Frog
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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the
second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9
Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He
looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other
club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the
cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing."
You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replys "Ribbit. Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you
think frog?" The man asks.
"Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The
man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day,
the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,
"OK where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says,
"Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,
"What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,
black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game,
the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back
across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room
in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how
to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all
the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into
a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
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JE - Bush Outlines Iran Battle Plan
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Hey guys, enjoy today's edition.
I'm up to my eyeballs in the sticky stuff at work. It never rains..
(well, this summer in Britain, it actually does, a LOT, but that's
another story..)
Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email
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Bush Outlines Iran Battle Plan
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Harry Potter Bible
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Flatulent Marilyn Monroe
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+ General Joke
My son had some minor surgery and was given some powerful pain
killer pills to help with recovery. Also, his mother bought him
the latest installment of Guitar Hero.
I told my son not to expect to excel at Guitar Hero because it
is very difficult to play a musical instrument while taking drugs.
I suddenly realized what a stupid thing I had just said.
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