Joke Compilations

JE - The Race ..

2009-08-15T14:34:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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I promised on Wednesday, so I feel I can now provide you with
the detail of the most exciting travel excursion / activity
of 2009 (and maybe the decade..)

Based (loosely) on television game shows, myself and 14 friends
(mainly from the office), are jetting off 'blind' to an unknown
destination in mainland Europe. Once there, after a few glasses
of vino and some fresh seafood perhaps (or Maccy Ds and a coke)
it will be revealed where our flights home are already booked from..

.. in 72 hours.

Thus, The Race begins with 5 teams attempting to make it to the
final destination:
a) before everyone else
b) in time for your booked flight home

Failure to meet condition B will result in an extremely costly
flight home I am sure, and probably an enforced 'missed' day from work.
Which isn't a great thing to be doing in these times of job cuts.

So the race is on.

And I can't WAIT!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Inevitability..
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Carnival
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Cell Phone
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+ General Joke
After his recent hole in one, Frank and his buddies were hanging out and
planning a 3-day golf outing.

Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time
because his wife wouldn't allow it.

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Frank headed home totally
frustrated. The following week when Frank's buddies arrived at the golf
resort to play golf, they were shocked to see Frank sitting in the
lobby, drinking a beer, holding his putter!

"How did you talk your missus into letting you go, Frank?"

"I didn't have to," Frank replied. "Last I night I slumped down in my
chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then, the wife snuck up behind me
and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise.' When I peeled her hands back,
she was standing there in beautiful see through negligee and she said,
'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed, and you can do
whatever you want'.....

SO, HERE I AM!"

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JE - Jacko's Tag

2009-08-13T07:50:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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So it's Wednesday 12th August. A mere four short weeks precisely
to what we have collectively termed 'The Race' at work.

15 guys, 2 flights, 4 days, limited cash.
I will explain all on Friday.

Something to look forward to then!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Jacko's Toe Tag
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Lion Eats Sloth
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Incan Princess
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/incan.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/incan.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
One night a torrential downpour soaked South Louisiana. The next
morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of
the homes there.

Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs.
Thibodaux, waiting for help to come.

Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house.
Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the
way back to the house. It kept floating out, then back, out and back.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do
you see that baseball cap floating away from the house and then back
again?"

Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that's my husband. I told him he was
going to cut the grass today, come Hell or High Water!!"

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JE - Swine Flu Symptoms

2009-08-11T08:26:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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Yo folks. Well I had a hectic week at work last week, therefore
JokeEmail didn't quite make it out of my inbox. I apologies profusely but
things just seem a little crazy at the moment. Unemployment up, England losing
at cricket, my bank balance teetering down near zero... it could also be the 80s.

On the bright side, it's Edinburgh Festival season, which means plenty of shows and
fun in my city for the next three weeks or so. I'll be honest, if I was a decent
host, I would provide a review or two on the shows I've seen, however I haven't made
it through the throngs of tourists to the festival shows yet, and I've already had
enough of the gawping visitors stopping dead in their tracks to stare at the Castle.

It's just a big building on a rock!!

Rant over, I'll return you to the bosom of the humor..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Swine Flu Symptoms
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Age of War
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Fart
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+ General Joke
Swine Flu various..

I called the Swine Flu hotline - all I got was crackling

I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers. Another is
that you get the trotts.

I woke up with pig tails this morning ... Should I be worried?

The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu. I said it
must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal
application of 'oinkment'. IF YOU GET AN EMAIL ABOUT SWINE FLU DELETE IT AS
ITS ONLY SPAM.

This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none,
And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein 1
neuraminidase protein 1.

Swine flu however, is not a problem for the pigs because they're all going
to be cured anyway!

News Flash .... This just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a
joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the
aporkalypse.

A new film is being planned, called "Aporkalypse Now", with Kevin Bacon in
the lead role.

Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu. Scientists say they will find a cure
when pigs fly.

I just heard on the news that, "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to
every single person in the world". Well it's a good thing I'm married then,
isn't it?

This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal. It is a mild hamdemic,
don't believe the spam you're getting.

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JE - Gutter Ball

2009-08-01T12:53:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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and the weekend lands! I'm off to a wedding in Ireland.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Gutter Ball
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One Man Army
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Tampon Prank Ends Badly
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+ General Joke
Royal Doulton have decided not to issue a range of figurative Michael Jackson china

mugs.After the best efforts of their finest artists QA feel that they still cannot get

the nose right.

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JE - Thankyou Japan

2009-07-30T06:19:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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Keep laughing

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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What we thank Japan for
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Are You on TV?
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Voted The Top 10 Funny Posters
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+ General Joke
When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the
newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea.

Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family
phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of
diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhea, but I thought it
would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than
the big sh1t that he really was."

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JE - Cat Norris

2009-07-28T11:48:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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Enjoy the jokes, folks.
Was away for the weekend in a footy tournament. Got beat!! Bad!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Cat Norris
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Cate West: The Velvet Keys
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Basic Rifle Marksmanship
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+ General Joke
My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack,
but I just couldn't hack it … so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor,
but I just wasn't suited for it … mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a Quick Fit Centre,
but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber,
but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef,
figured it would add spice to my life, but I just didn't have the
thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker,
but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician,
but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor,
but I didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory,
I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman,
but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch,
so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a job working for a swimming pool maintenance
company,
but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes,
but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium,
but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting,
but the work was shocking.
After years of trying to find work, I finally got a job as an
historian,
until I realised there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks Coffee,
but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM A PERFECT FIT FOR THE JOB!

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JE - Swine Flu Medication

2009-07-24T08:12:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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So Friday is nearly upon us!
I haven't contracted swine flu yet.. best get some Tamiflu regardless!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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John and Mary's Memories
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Are You Nearsighted?
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+ General Joke
My brother invited his boss to dinner.While waiting for my sister in
law to bring the roast to the table, the boss asked my teenage neice
what she was going to do in the summer holidays.

"I've got a job at the local garage," she replied,"I'm in charge of
the car and lorry wash."

"Oh that's all automated now, isn't it?" said the boss.

"No the wash is manual but we've just installed a mechanical air
drying system....."

His wife came into the room just in time to hear her daughter say,

"....so when the drivers come in, first I give them a hand j0b and the
I give them a blow."

And that is how the roast hit the carpet.

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JE - Swine Flu

2009-07-21T09:16:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
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Afternoon folks.
So the start of a new week on the anniversary of man reaching the moon.
Personally, nothing fascinates me more than Apollo 11 and all it encompasses.
No jokes attached, I find it remarkable that Armstrong et al would go to the moon
knowing they only had about a 50/50 chance of coming home. That's balls folks..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Swine Flu
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Dog Eat Cat
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Chaos of Mana
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+ General Joke
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&;M University has invented a
bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing
up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when
cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after he had announced the invention, a large group of
men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the sh*t out of him.

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JE - Mr Awesome

2009-07-08T08:18:00.000+10:00

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Tuesday 7th July, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
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Here it is folks..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

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Mr Awesome
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/awesome.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/awesome.htm "> AOL </a>

Octopus Eats Self
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/alchemist.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/alchemist.htm "> AOL </a>

Superhero Name
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/john.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/john.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he
insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't
go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."

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Fun4U: 100 Camels

2009-07-07T11:46:00.000+10:00

Fun4U: Just Counting

2009-07-07T10:10:00.001+10:00

Fun4U: Babies ....

2009-07-05T11:44:00.003+10:00

Fun4U: Little Johnny 28

2009-07-05T11:44:00.001+10:00

JE - Wimbledon

2009-07-04T15:33:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Friday 3rd July, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
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this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Here it is folks..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Interesting Wimbledon
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/wim.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/wim.htm "> AOL </a>

Alchemist's Apprentice
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/alchemist.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/alchemist.htm "> AOL </a>

John and Mary's Memories
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/john.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/john.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the
car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared
in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed,
"Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver
sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger
rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said,
"What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it,"
to the driver, rolling up the window in terror.

A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The
driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the
speedometer says we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a
light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window
and shakily said, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw
a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"

They were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they
had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more
tapping.

"Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and
screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"

The old man gently replied, "You want some help getting out of the
mud?"

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
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+ Contact Information
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JE - Get Along

2009-06-30T08:39:00.000+10:00

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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Here it is folks..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Why can't we all just get along?
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Hidden in Time: Mirror Mirror
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The Hidden Object Show Combo Pack
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/combo.htm
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+ General Joke

Two men were golfing, and the fairway of the hole they were playing
was adjacent to a road. The first man was setting up for his swing,
when a funeral procession went by on the road. He stopped, faced the
procession for a moment, then bowed his head in prayer as the hearse
passed by. Only when the procession had passed out of view did he
resume playing, driving his ball to the green.

As they were walking toward the green, the second man said, "That was
a touching show of respect for the the deceased back there. I had no
idea you were so sentimental."

The first man shrugged and said, "It's the least I could do. I was
married to her for thirty years."

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JE - Where's McCain when you need him

2009-06-24T08:23:00.000+10:00

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Tuesday 23rd June, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
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this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Howdy all.
So I had a very quiet and relaxed weekend. Just one of those "chill
at home and do nothing" type weekends, when you're literally struggling
to fill the hours between meals. Nothing better.

Plus, I've quit the beer for the month of June, so I'm feeling healthier
and richer as we move towards festival and party high season. T in the Park
(http://www.tinthepark.com) beckons within weeks, and you simply cannot
beat a bit of Blur, Elbow, Editors and Razorlight (plus the Killers).

Still, the sun is shining here in Scotland for once, so I'd rather be outside!
So, have a good day, and catch up with you all tomorrow...

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Where's McCain when you need him
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/mccain_iran.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/mccain_iran.htm "> AOL </a>

Return to Ravenhearst
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/raven.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/raven.htm "> AOL </a>

The Earth is Flat
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/earth.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/earth.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's
bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?

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Fun4U: World's Smallest Books

2009-06-22T22:02:00.001+10:00

-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-
-=[   Fun4you a service of FuN - wOrLd - http://www.hehe.at/funworld/   ]=-
-=[   un/subscribe requests @ http://www.hehe.at/funworld/fun4you.html ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

A Female's Guide To Logical Thinking
A Guide To Australian Etiquette
A Millenium Of German Humor
Anagrams Of The Word "A"
Bedouin Olympic Swimmers
'Behave Yourself' by David Letterman
Blacks I Met While Rowing
Blind Dates That Worked Out
Burger King Items That Start With "Mc"
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Countries Where Socialism Is Successful
Detroit - A Travel Guide
Different Ways To Spell "Bob"
Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance
Everything Men Know About Women
Favorite Foreign Emigration Destinations Of The French
Feminists Worth Marrying
French Hospitality
French, 16 Year Old, Non-Smoking Virgins
Fun With Unix
George Bush: 'The Wild Years'
Good English Cooking
Good Norwegian Jokes
Household Uses For Plutonium
'How To Be A Successful Politician' by Jesse Jackson
Italian War Heroes
Jewish Sports Legends
'Life As An Air Traffic Controller' by Ray Charles
Marcel Marceau's Greatest Speeches
Mike Tyson On Dating Etiquette
Mother Teresa's Guide To Erotic Pottery
'My Favorite Barbers' by Yassir Arafat
'My Life As A Woman' by Martina Navratilova
'My Life Without Michael' by LaToya Jackson
'My Thoughts' by Ronald Reagan
National Directory Of Irish AA Members
Olympic Athletes Who Think Sports Are Really Stupid
One-Legged Folk Dances
'On Human Rights' by Fidel Castro
Party Tricks With Boiling Lead
Proud Parents Of Rock Musicians
Public Political Activities During Franco's Government In Spain
Romantic Words Beginning With "X"
Satan's Love Letters
Scottish World Cup Successes
Sign Language For The Blind
Successful Applications Of Artificial Intelligence
Sylverster Stallone's Dramatic Acting Tips
The Genius Of Barry Manilow
'The Road To Lasting Economic Succes' by Boris Yeltsin
The Total Vocabulary Of Arnold Schwarzenegger
Things That Look Like An Apple, Taste Like An Apple, But Are Not An Apple
Things That Taste Better With Arsenic
Things You Could Buy At The World Artichoke Festival
Venezuelans Who Know Spelling
Vice Presidents With Really Good Ideas
'Why People Are More Important Than Animals' by Greenpeace
Young, Single Males Speak Out Against Masturbation

(See also JokeNr: )

-=[-(r2169)--------------------------------------------------(lp:70.4%)--]=-
-=[ latest jokes online at http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
-=[ NEW! Go to http://www.hehe.at/funworld/archive/2169                ]=-
-=[       to rate this joke from 1 to 5.                                 ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

Fun4U: Little Johnny CLXXXIX

2009-06-22T22:02:00.000+10:00

Fun4U: Attitude and Bullshit

2009-06-21T13:10:00.001+10:00

Fun4U: Another "all my life" story

2009-06-21T13:10:00.000+10:00

JE - Finland the superpower

2009-06-20T13:43:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Friday 19th June, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
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this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Weekend has landed!!!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Finland - Superpower!
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/finland.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/finland.htm "> AOL </a>

Easy Meal in Africa
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dogs.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dogs.htm "> AOL </a>

Frogs in Love
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dogs.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dogs.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who
was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's
systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen
all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and
give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body
wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to
see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for
waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in
a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a
terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the
eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the
rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?
The a4shole is usually the one in charge.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

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Fun4U: Punishing the Rabbi

2009-06-18T10:36:00.003+10:00

Fun4U: Little Johnny 194

2009-06-18T10:36:00.001+10:00

JE - Swine Flu

2009-06-18T07:57:00.000+10:00

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Wednesday 17th June, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey folks.

Well, I thought I'd give a quick update on my activities over the last
few weeks. Firstly, I rocked up to my mate Greg's stag do down in the
surf capital of the UK - Newquay, Cornwall!

Now, I'm not the best surfer in the world, especially after a few jars in
one the most hellishly small towns that happen to be full of stag and hen
parties. I just wanted to chill out, relax, have a few beers. Is this
what middle age feels like?! The funniest part of the weekend though -
without a shadow of a doubt - was our friend being 'escorted' from a strip
club by a bouncer. His crime? Providing 'feedback' to the dancer on her
form.

Quote: "How was that?"
Reply: "I've had better."

Priceless.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Swine Flu
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/swine_flu.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/swine_flu.htm "> AOL </a>

Annabel
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/anna.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/anna.htm "> AOL </a>

Freestyle With Footballs
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/freestyle.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/freestyle.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbi all served as
chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk
shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really
all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing
led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go
out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it..

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had
various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I
went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to
read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water,
sprinkled him, and Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a
lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and
confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and
both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone
oratory, he claimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I
went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from
God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took
HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED
him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as
gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying
in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and
monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said, 'Looking back on it, circumcision may not
have been the best way to start...'

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

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JE - Bravery

2009-06-16T07:49:00.000+10:00

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Monday 15th June, 2009 70,000 subscribers
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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Welcome to a new week!
Got some time this week to keep you posted on my adventures
and travails over the last fortnight. Watch out Weds!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Definition of Bravery
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/bravery.htm
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Cat Urine Glows
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Cardboard Safari
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/cardboard.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/cardboard.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Follow these carefully!

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM
machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their
vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been
developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with
the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card..
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow
easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with Pin written on the inside
back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17.. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the
slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

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Fun4U: Chocolate

2009-06-13T22:40:00.002+10:00

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If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it
    too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all
    count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot
    car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off
    your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories
    in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if
    you can't eat all your chocolate, what is wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the
    fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the
    chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a
    balanced diet?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because
    no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An
    entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That
    way, at least you'll get one thing done.

I may be a chocoholic, but at least I follow the rules...

-=[-(r3001)--------------------------------------------------(lp:73.9%)--]=-
-=[ latest jokes online at http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
-=[ NEW! Go to http://www.hehe.at/funworld/archive/3001                ]=-
-=[       to rate this joke from 1 to 5.                                 ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

Fun4U: Religious Tech Support

2009-06-13T22:40:00.001+10:00

-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-
-=[   Fun4you a service of FuN - wOrLd - http://www.hehe.at/funworld/   ]=-
-=[   un/subscribe requests @ http://www.hehe.at/funworld/fun4you.html ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

Ring ring...

God: Hello this is the religion help line, what is your disbelief?

Sinner: I seem to have lost my faith.

God: Was your faith installed by an ordained priest or a Catholic Minister?

Sinner: Ummm... lets see, I have a conformation, so it must have been
    a priest.

God: And have you been doing your Faith updates with Weekly Services©?

Sinner: Well, no, not all of them, but I did get the big upgrade at
    Christmas and Easter, and a few other Weekly Services here and there.

God: Have you recently heard any contrary Data that might have corrupted
    your faith?

Sinner: Not that I can think of...

God: Please remember that corrupting data can come in many forms, from
    Simple Lies ©*(Microsoft) or Street Rhetoric (Internet), then there
    is that Guy Peter at Fun4U Humor List! Have your Ears downloaded
    anything that might be construed as corrupting?

Sinner: Well I did listen to a bum on the street that said that God was
    asleep and that anyone who believes was being lulled into the fires
    of hell.

God: What you have is a paradox, that is the problem with your faith,
    you see, somehow you have an INI string installed that does not let
    you Believe in God, but the output of this string is a Goto Hell.
    Without God there is no hell, thus the paradox.

Sinner: And how do I get this Paradox out of my system?

God: Please re-read the book that came with your faith, The Bible? and
    recall the passages that deal with heaven and hell, and look to the
    passages about Judas.ini ©. You can also find some help in the Psalms
    100-120, but those are long and confusing and should only be used with
    a complete lack of Faith.

Sinner: And what can I do so that my Faith never becomes corrupted again?

God: Well there are several products out there just for that purpose,
    Lotus Devout?, Microsoft Seminary Plus?, and Netscape Hereafter Browser?.
    If you use these products and not download data from know corrupting
    sources, you should be fine.

Sinner: Well thank you very much God, This should help out a lot,
    I should be believing in you without a doubt in no time.

God: Go in Peace? my son.

Ring ring...

God: Hello this is the religion help line, what is your disbelief?

Sinner: Hello, I am now Jewish?...

-=[-(r 22)--------------------------------------------------(lp:73.9%)--]=-
-=[ latest jokes online at http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
-=[ NEW! Go to http://www.hehe.at/funworld/archive/22                ]=-
-=[       to rate this joke from 1 to 5.                                 ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

Fun4U: Not In The Book

2009-06-12T12:41:00.001+10:00

-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-
-=[   Fun4you a service of FuN - wOrLd - http://www.hehe.at/funworld/   ]=-
-=[   un/subscribe requests @ http://www.hehe.at/funworld/fun4you.html ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted.

St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is
    written in it.

After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow,
    and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

"I get a download every ten minutes." St. Peter replies, "Why do you ask?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was
    not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name
    probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

"I'm glad to hear that, "Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the
    update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that
    you did in your life?"

The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmmm, well there was this one time
    when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members
    harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they
    were, about 20 of them harassing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got
    out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the
    leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a
    studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears.
    As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me
    and told me to get lost or I'd be next."

"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the
    head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of
    them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK,
    deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!'"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"

"About three minutes ago."

-=[-(r3117)--------------------------------------------------(lp:77.6%)--]=-
-=[ latest jokes online at http://funworld.hehe.at/archive/?id=latest ]=-
-=[ NEW! Go to http://www.hehe.at/funworld/archive/3117                ]=-
-=[       to rate this joke from 1 to 5.                                 ]=-
-=[----------------------------------------------------------------------]=-

Fun4U: We are Lost

2009-06-12T10:55:00.001+10:00

JE - Guitar Hero

2009-06-05T09:47:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thursday 4th June, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Weekend only just around the corner. I'm off to a stag weekend for
one of my very good friends who's putting pen to paper in late July.

He's maturer than I am, thats for sure!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Guitar Hero
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/guitar_hero.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/guitar_hero.htm "> AOL </a>

Dog Peeing Earns $100,000
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dogs.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dogs.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks
up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry
on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of
face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'Its my face cream. It
makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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[No Holds Barred] for MAY 29 2009

2009-06-02T09:21:00.000+10:00

${top_html_ad}
                     \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Grandmas birth control pills!

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to
bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as
he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that
could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I
know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass
of orange juice that my 16-year-old-granddaughter drinks.   And,
believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The coffee break, even for those who realize that caffeine may not be
good for them, still beats staying at the desk and working.

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine, who's
sitting by herself...

Man: 'May I buy you a cocktail?'

Maxine: 'No thank you. Alcohol is bad for my legs.'

Man: 'Sorry to hear that. Do they swell up?'

Maxine: 'No, they spread apart."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
Us drunks don't have to attend all those meetings. --- Johnny Bond

Q. What three words can ruin a man's ego.
A. "Is it in?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Attention frustrated cat owners

A Quick and Easy, Step-By-Step Guide
That Reveals The Secrets To A Well-Behaved Cat
http://e66f3-kdix03o240s54z9k8wbc.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

FROM THE BOWELS OF AN AA MEETING

A True Story from the Jacksonville, Florida Police Dept.

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead
with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile
away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and
ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the
police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house
just a block away.

The police tell the man to stay put as they will be right back. They
hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he
gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who
might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all
day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is
there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that
he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she
asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the
garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police
car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story: Told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When you open a bag of cotton balls...
is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Would it be considered sexual harrassment if a midget walked by you
and told you your hair smelled good ???

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gymnastic basketball
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=sports0034.jpg

Stone cold pussy
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Stone-cold-pussy.jpg

Suck more
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=suck-more.jpg

Surprise!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Surprise.jpg

Explicit
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=tshirt-010.jpg

Wrong way to eat squash [naughty alert]
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Veggiesx011.jpg

Wild burros
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Wild-burros

Horse racing
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=asports-Horse_Race

Hey You...
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sign012.jpg

Big Splash
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=SPLASH!

Tightrope
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sports0013

Landscaping
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=terraforming.jpg

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SALES & CLOSEOUTS

5 pages full of great deals on sexy fun items
http://www.sextoyfun.com/category.php?a=freehole&cid=389

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

they met online
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f092.html

doctor's orders
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f094.html

poor fella
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f097.html

pharmacy customer service
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f098.html

EEOC
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f081.html

Double Asscrack
http://www.buffaloschips..com/adfrll.htm

I came first
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41033.htm

Fuckin' A
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41034.htm

Hammer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41040.htm

Experience
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41029.htm

Airforce cutbacks
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000029.html

Airline Fart
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000030.html

Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sparkly Balls
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=40105&s=n

Steve Martin performs magic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtbWMDRxLLY

Chalk Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart.html
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart2.html
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html

Doggy Style Blog
http://www.maddogblog.com/

The Mob
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?i=40120&pid=3436&u=3463

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Worlds Largest Tattoo Collection.

We Have Asked The Guinness Book Of World Records
To Verify Our Massive Tattoo Collection
As The Worlds Largest Downloadable Tattoo Collection!
Over 30,000 Tattoos!
Bonus! Free Tribal Tattoo Design Software Included!

http://2be1b5iiuss9u20ogn482e8v54.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Fishdom Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39076&s=n

The Story of Dragons
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=40233&s=n

Green Terror Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39667&s=n

Flalls
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=40044&s=n

Turtix Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39078&s=n

6 full on games for the week end
http://www.jokeroo.com/games/index.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

LAUGH YOUR GUTS OUT!
Here's a fine selection of the
HOTTEST raunchiest humor on the net today!
Jokes, toons, vids....EVERYTHING funny!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-var1.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOT - HOT - HOT

No matter WHAT your taste is...
Get your fill of Hot 'n Nasty!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-hot..html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Here's all my fun sites and groups....
http://able2laugh.com/maillists.html

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/

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JE - Marriage, Britney Style

2009-06-02T09:07:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Monday 1st June, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
First of the month, must be lucky!
I'm back from my three week jaunt to Australia, had a fab time.

Trying to get back up to speed with work / life / home, and of course
the Apprentice and other such tv shows I can't live without.

I'll give the download of my trip over the next few weeks.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Marriage - the Britney Way
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/marriage_britney.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/marriage_britney.htm "> AOL </a>

Scary Museum Prank
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/scary.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/scary.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Top 10 Rejection Reasons...

...And What They Really Mean

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually
means)

1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
---
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[No Holds Barred] for MAY 22 2009

2009-05-23T22:37:00.001+10:00

${top_html_ad}
                     \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he
noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung
off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was
wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog
and her cat.

The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice
fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the
wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the firefighter said. "I don't want to tell you how to
run
your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think
you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I
wouldn't have a siren."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hidden in the Democratic drawn-up economic recovery bill: $335 million
for sexually transmitted disease prevention. I guess this is to help
hookers get off their feet and back on their backs again. (Tim Hunter)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Dr. Science,
I have always wondered how Rocky and Bullwinkle met and how they
became good friends? Do you know?
    -- from Natascha Sells of "Milledgeville, GA"

"You bet I do. Not only was I there at the Moose and Squirrel's first
rendezvous, but I was the one who arranged the meeting in the first
place. I had been hired as a consultant on the Way Back Machine, a
device they used to prop up the largely clueless dog named Mr.
Peabody. OK, so I'm somewhat bitter, having auditioned for a role that
eventually went to a cartoon dog.
Anyway, tensions were high on the set, what with the FBI and CIA
disguised as stage hands monitoring Boris Badenov and Natasha. I
managed to diffuse that tension through some simple science tricks,
making hydrogen bark, turning water into wine and back into water.
And when producer Bill Scott realized that Annette Funicello and
Bobby Darin weren't going to make it as the lead characters, I suggested
Rocky and Bullwinkle, two talkative animals I had used in lab research.
The rest is cartoon history."

True story from Dr. Science
http://www.drscience.com/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Being a premature ejaculator has its advantages. I made ten sex line
phone calls last month, and the total bill is just two dollars.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jewelry Selling Secrets!
Start A Jewely & Craft Business From Home.
Kameron Kay Shows You The Insider Secrets
To Making Jewelry & Crafts And Selling Them To
Boutiques, Shops, Artist Fairs, Bead Shops, And More.
Perfect Part Time Job And Income
http://6d1965ncizu4l0d4kknqqct23w.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.

Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when
he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it
above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling.

''Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss?'' he yelled.

No one answered. "All right, I'm gonna have anotha' beer, and if my
hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done
in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I done in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer,
walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to
ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before
you go. . . what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.

You might be a redneck if...
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

New toy from Rubik
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=odd-toys0018.jpg

Playbot
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Playbot.jpg

Pulsating hypnotically
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Pulsating.gif

Save a horse
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Save-a-horse.jpg

Racial profiling
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=signs0011.jpg

Rich chocolate
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Snacksx011.jpg

This is gonna HURT!
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=asports-GonnaHurt

Fast Flintstones
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=amovies-0185.jpg

FREE BEER
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sign011

Drink & Drive
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=spillbillb

Spearfish sports
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sports0012

Tender moment
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Tender-moments

They Shake Me
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=tshirts4babys008

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Slo Mo Director

Slow Down Video WMV & AVI.
Currently Used To Learn, Music, Languages, Martial Arts, Dancing, Golf.
Innovative Video Playback At Pitch Maintained Speeds
With A Unique Repeat Facility.
http://02c860cjorv3n66mhcuk4mfs7h.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Air Poland
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000027.html

Airbag Cell
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000028.html

Doggie Kisses
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32155.htm

Going To Sleep
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32156.htm

It Fits
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32157.htm

One More
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajkknjjhj.htm

I Can Do You One Better
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfgfr.htm

he's depressed
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c012.html

naked chick
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0107.html

penis doctor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0109.html

consequences
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0110.html

a spoiled dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f091.html

Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes.com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Carl Barron - Montreal Comedy Festival 2006
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a39fS-82HE

Doggy Style Blog
http://www.maddogblog.com/

Conflict in the Middle East
http://dareland.blogspot.com/2009/05/auto-tune-news-2.html

ALL girls should learn this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0I0FF9laz4

Construction goof-ups
http://www.crookedbrains.net/2009/03/construction.html

Extreme poodle makeover
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poodlemakeover.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Get Paid to do Surveys

http://b6c572qji0s3r31md2ovbkbpab.hop.clickbank.net/
or
http://15988yh5hxqzke581mwi99aod8.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Are You A Flirt?
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=17566&s=n

Warlords Heroes
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39662&s=n

Robokill Shooting Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39663&s=n

Sniper WWII
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39966&s=n

Dog Fight 2
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39661&s=n

6 full on games for the week end
http://www.jokeroo.com/games/index.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Come flirt with us!
A bunch of fine encounter groups here
for you to ...perhaps...
Meet your next true love!

http://able2laff.com/EZ/encn.html

====================

Get a jolt of inspiration in your life!
Let your mailbox bring GOOD tidings for a change.
Drop by here for a nice morale boost.
http://able2laff.com/EZ/insp.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Here's all my fun sites and groups....
http://able2laugh.com/maillists.html

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/

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JE - Downsizing

2009-05-22T08:45:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thursday 21st May, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Soon home!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Downsizing - Everyone's at it
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/downsizing.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/downsizing.htm "> AOL </a>

Army Target Practice
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/army.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/army.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been able to sleep because her
dog snores too loudly. The doctor told her to tie a ribbon around his balls
and he will shutup. The woman goes to her bedroom and sees her dog lieing on
the floor snoring. She gets a red ribbon and ties it around his balls. The
dog stops snoring. The woman goes to sleep. After a while, her husband comes
home drunk. He lays in bed and falls fast asleep. He starts to snore loudly
so the woman gets a blue ribbon and ties it around his balls. The next
morning the woman gets up and goes to work. The man wakes up and sees the
blue ribbon on his balls. Then he looks down at the dog and sees the red
ribbon around his balls.

The guy says to the dog, ''I don't know what we did
last night, but we got first and second place!''

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
---
You are currently subscribed to jokeemail as: jokesareus@optushome.com.au.
To unsubscribe click here: http://relay.netatlantic.com/u?id=41257149.2330f71b724a5ac03919b49177c4cd81&n=T&l=jokeemail&o=27474532
or send a blank email to leave-27474532-41257149.2330f71b724a5ac03919b49177c4cd81@relay.netatlantic.com
---
Email delivered by http://www.netatlantic.com/

JE - Star Trek Racism

2009-05-20T08:21:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tuesday 19th May, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Away..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Star Trek Racism
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/star_trek_racism.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/star_trek_racism.htm "> AOL </a>

Who Sleeps?
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/sleeps.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/sleeps.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Barack Obama is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.
He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or
illness.
He greets one.

The patient replies: "Fair fa your honest sonsie face,/
Great chieftain o' the puddin race,/
Aboon them a ye tak' yer place,/
Painch, tripe or thairm,/
Weel are ye worthy o' a Grace, as langs my airm."

Obama is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The next patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat,/
And some wad eat that want it,/
But we hae meat an we can eat,/
So let the Good Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the President moves
on to the next patient,
who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,/
O whit a panic's in thy breasty,/
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,/
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Obama turns to the accompanying doctor and
asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'
'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit'.

NB: Refer to Burns night on Wikipedia if necessary!

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
---
You are currently subscribed to jokeemail as: jokesareus@optushome.com.au.
To unsubscribe click here: http://relay.netatlantic.com/u?id=41257149.2330f71b724a5ac03919b49177c4cd81&n=T&l=jokeemail&o=27453728
or send a blank email to leave-27453728-41257149.2330f71b724a5ac03919b49177c4cd81@relay.netatlantic.com
---
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[No Holds Barred] for MAY 15 2009

2009-05-15T23:54:00.000+10:00

${top_html_ad}
                     \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

An 88-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as
part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring
back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 88 year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's
like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with
my left hand, and still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She
tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with
her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still
nothing.   We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried
too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it
between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?

I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how
nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's
Jennifer, she's a lawyer' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.' "

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
she's dead."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

MUSICIANS!

Learn The Secret Method Of Pitch Recognition
To Master Absolute Pitch And Relative Pitch In Less Than 6 Weeks!

Instantly Name Any Note Or Chord Just By Hearing It!

http://5ed4e0h8nz07r399zjzbsighbl.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Comments made in the year 1955...

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going
to
be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long
before $2000 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack
is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to
mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would
someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the
car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible
to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair
as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let
Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems
every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.

"I read the other day where some scientist think it's possible to put a
man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some
fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas ."

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the president."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married
women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem
to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole
lot of foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best
people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously
doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend.
It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too
rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sausage lunch
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Lunchx014.jpg

Mona at the beach
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Mona025.jpg

Short Disney film
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=movies-0057.jpg

Mr. Bate
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=MrBate.jpg

Handy bra
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=newbra.jpg

Not obscene
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=not-obscene.jpg

Musical square
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Musical_square.jpg

Moving picture (turn your head side to side)
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Optical_Illusion0018.jpg

Promises
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=promise.jpg

Chicken sandwich
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Sandwich003.jpg

Fresh salad
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Shopping006.jpg

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How To Become An Alpha Male

The Lazy Man�s Way
To Easy Sex And Romance
With 20 Or More Women A Month

http://5cd37vkaspu9o0d5r46z06poik.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

wait his turn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b011.html

hurry
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b012.html

maternity
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b013.html

if women ran hell
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c010.html

that'll teach em
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c011.html

Crick
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41201.htm

Coke Job
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2280510.htm

Faking It
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32152.htm

Tin Can Phone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32153.htm

Crowded Beach
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32154.htm

Aggressive Salesman
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000024.html

Agree To Wife Swap
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000025.html

Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes.com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Doggy Style Blog
http://www.maddogblog.com/

Daddy's Little Girl
http://mediapickle.com/content/cartoons/193-daddys-little-girl.html

Cat Parasite Affects Everything We Feel and Do (!?!?!?!)
http://a.abcnews.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=2288095

Wobbly truck
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?i=39838&pid=3515&u=3463

Sumsing Turbo 3000 cell phone!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYIOIM6hHBk

Welcome to Somali Cruises
Most cruises offer a mini-bar
We offer a mounted Mini-Gun
http://www.somalicruises.com/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

MASTER MENTALISM!

Want to Perform 'Jaw-Dropping' Mentalism & Magic
Just Like Criss Angel, David Blaine & Derren Brown, Almost Immediately?

http://7b22f3dapuvzr5fgjf17wfwda5.hop.clickbank.net/
and
http://215a42q5rwwzj588m4zzq7nnex.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Balloon Shooter
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39970&s=n

Warlords Fighting Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39659&s=n

Stunt Dirt Bike
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39082&s=n

Dead Frontier Night 1
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39933&s=n

6 full on games for the week end
http://www.jokeroo.com/games/index.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Come flirt with us!
A bunch of fine encounter groups here
for you to ...perhaps...
Meet your next true love!

http://able2laff.com/EZ/encn.html

====================

!! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY !!

Get a bit of birthday cheer
Delivered right to your mailbox!

http://able2laff.com/EZ/bday.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Here's all my fun sites and groups....
http://able2laugh.com/maillists.html

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
${bottom_html_ad}

 --^^--------------------------------------------------------------- This email was sent to: ${recipient}  EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://www.topica.com/?pXFOOTER --^^---------------------------------------------------------------

JE - Beware Teen Drivers

2009-05-15T08:36:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thursday 14th May, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
On vacation

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Beware - Teenage Drivers
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/teenage_drivers.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/teenage_drivers.htm "> AOL </a>

Leprechaun Name Generator
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/name.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/name.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,
and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration,
he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but
not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and
bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties
for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the
gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the
contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart
with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she
wears short ones that are easier to remove.

"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me
the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were
hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see
you again.

"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them
away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I
hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.

"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur
showing."

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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[No Holds Barred] for MAY 12 2009

2009-05-13T10:53:00.000+10:00

${top_html_ad}
                     \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bubba from Biloxi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm
and says, "Darlin', this is the pig I have sex with when you have a
headache."

From his bed, his wife sneers, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you
dolt!"

Bubba replies, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to YOU!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The bank robber

You gotta love a guy who can think on his feet!

A man walks into a bank, gets in line and when it's his turn he pulls out
a gun ... and robs the bank.

But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses he turns around and asks
the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The customer replies..."YES!"

The bank robber raises his gun, points it to his head and ...Bang!!!!!
...shoots him in the head and kills him. He quickly moves to the next
customer in line and says to the man....
"DID ...YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????

The man calmly responds, "No ... But my wife did."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hillary's campaign is claiming she misspoke when she said she landed
under gun fire during her trip to Bosnia. Turns out it was gun fire on a
trip to L.A.              --- Jay Leno

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Secret Recipes from your Favorite restaurants!

We'll Teach You the Jealously Guarded Secrets
Behind Actual Dishes From Billion Dollar Restaurants Like
The Cheesecake Factory®, KFC®, The Olive Garden®, PF Chang's®,
Red Lobster®, Chili's®... (plus many others)
and Show You How to Easily Make Them at Home!
http://f913b5d6nsx5oaeosavdfq0sal.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A young soldier is being reprimanded by his commanding officer for
moving and giving away his position during a camouflage and
concealment exercise.

"Young man, don't you realise your comrades are depending on you?
You could have gotten them all killed!" the commander shouts.

"Yes sir, I know, but I thought I'd done rather well up to that point",
the soldier replies. "I didn't flinch when the wasp landed on my nose, I
didn't move when the bird crapped on my head and I didn't say a thing
when the dog cocked it's leg on my boots. But when I felt the two
squirrels run up my trouser leg and heard one say, 'Let's have half now
and save the other one for winter' I couldn't help myself!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for
Miss America?

A bore is someone who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.
-- Henry Ford

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Honesty
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Honesty-2.jpg

Prize bird
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=HumanFoodx015.jpg

Jug eyes (wait for it)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=JUG-EYES.gif

Ball kockers
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Knockers.jpg

Lean on me
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Lean-On.jpg

LMAO!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=LMAO.jpg

Arena cleanup
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=history-Arena_cleanup.jpg

DRAT!
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=history-DRAT!.gif

Homer Rock
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=HomerRock.jpg

Just One Drink
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=just-one-drink.JPG

Maze
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Maze.jpg

Cats & Dogma
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=movies-0046.jpg

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It really IS a New Age!
LEARN, or IMPROVE yourself in all these ways!

Astral Projection * Meditation * Anxiety Aid
Remote Viewing * Lucid Dreaming * Past Life Regression
Confidence Builder * Aura Viewing * Creativity
Endorphin Release * Increase Health * Addiction Help
Relaxation * Memory Enhancer * Telepathy

http://b635exj7rzovh12erc1cryq91z.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

African Americans
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000022.html

After 6 Beers
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000023.html

Ben and Jerry's
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b060.html

goggles
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b062.html

Bigfoot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b063.html

A request
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0105.html

Mammogram
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0106.html

Was it Worth It
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42534.htm

Leave your Shoes On
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42533.htm

Found Your Clitoris
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42532.htm

Iceberg
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42530.htm

Free Vd
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42529.htm

Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes.com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Original, crazy videos by Larry Graves aka the Canadian Studmuffin
(subscribe and get sent notices of the new ones)
http://www.youtube.com/canadianstudmuffin

Topless Car Wash prank
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?i=40117&pid=3436&u=3463

Swine Flu Fight Song
http://www.sydesjokes.com/extra/link000048.html

Optical Illusions
http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2007/07/optical-illusions-update.html

25 disturbing sex toys (get both pages)
http://www.cracked.com/article_16032_25-most-disturbing-sex-toys.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SCREW Illegal movie dowmnloading!

Get all the movies you want LEGALLY for VERY cheap.
They have many different download packages...
their BEST is UNLIMITED downloads for 2 years for $40!
How many movies can YOU download in TWO YEARS???

http://e598d7fjtoz5na3k1fl8tb-e0r.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Age of War
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39666&s=n

Rise of Atlantis
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39072&s=n

How Sexy Are You?
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=37008&s=n

Find a Word
http://www.castlemountains.com/wordfind/wordfind350.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

Nice variety of Adult games for home or party!
Various Sip 'n Strips - Truth Or Dare - Pecker Ring Toss - Body Bingo
Lots More! Check it out!
http://tinyurl.com/5ghcmo

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Do you like to change your wallpaper regularly?

Do you love getting new pictures and artwork in your mail?

Well...you've come to the right place for them all!

http://able2laff.com/EZ/art.html

==========================

Get some naughty humor
Every day in your mail
Tons of fun lists here
For all your sniggering needs!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-hum.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
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JE - Corruption reigns

2009-05-13T08:05:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tuesday 12th May, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
On vacation (you like the change of semantics!?)

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Corruption
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/corrupts.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/corrupts.htm "> AOL </a>

Octopus Eats Self
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/octopus.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/octopus.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable
discovery.

Because of a shortage of available human blood,

It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit
from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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JE - Star Trek Returns

2009-05-08T07:44:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thursday 7th May, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Still on hols..

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Star Trek Returns
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/star_trek.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/star_trek.htm "> AOL </a>

Tooth In Your Foot?
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/tooth.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/tooth.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one
hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half.
He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out
the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in
front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip
and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few
bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and
whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for
the two of them."

As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He
politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man
replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing
everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn''t eaten a
bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking
turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another
meal for them.

This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing
everything."

As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin,
the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to
eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are
waiting for?"

The old woman answers... "THE TEETH."

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
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JE - Budget Cuts

2009-05-06T09:07:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tuesday 5th May, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
On hols...

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Budget Cuts
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/budget_cuts.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/budget_cuts.htm "> AOL </a>

No Hot Chicks Were Harmed
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/harmed.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/harmed.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Fred had a week off and decided to play golf every day.

Monday morning, he found himself paired with an attractive woman,
Annette, who turned out to be a very good golfer.
They started with a few casual bets, but by the back nine it was a
full-blown competition.

On the 18th green, Annette sank her long birdie putt for the win. Fred
congratulated her and paid off his losses.
Annette asked for a ride home and, on the way, told him, 'You know,
Fred, I haven't enjoyed myself so much on the golf course in a long
time. In fact, pull over so I can express my appreciation.' Hee did,
they kissed, and one thing led to another and soon she gave him the
best or£l s3x he'd ever had.

The next morning, they met again on the first tee and played together
again. They had another magnificent day, enjoying each other's company
and playing tight, competitive golf.

Again Annette beat him, but she also showed her appreciation on the
drive home.

This went on all week, with Fred narrowly losing every day, his male
ego bruised, but not unhappy.

On Friday's drive home, Fred said, 'Annette, you've been great to be
with all this week and tonight I'd like to return the favour. I made
reservations at the best restaurant in town for us and reserved the
penthouse suite at the best hotel. What do you say?'

Annette burst into tears. 'I can't!'

'What? Why not?' he asked.

'Because,' she sobbed, 'I'm in the middle of a s3x change and the
doctor hasn't completed that part of me yet!'

'What?!' Aghast, Fred swerved off the road, screeched to a stop and
cursed madly, overcome with emotion.

'I'm so sorry,' says Annette, 'You have a right to be angry with
me.'

'You b£stard!' Fred screamed, his face bright red. 'You cheating
b£stard! All week long you've been playing off the women's tees!'

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
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JE - Spilt Load

2009-05-01T07:57:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thursday 30th April, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Still packing and getting ready for hols.
Got the suncream at the ready!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Spilt Load
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/spilt_load.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/spilt_load.htm "> AOL </a>

Lions Eat Sloth
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/lions.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/lions.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears
you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a
response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in
the office. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for
dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his
wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his
wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey,
what's for dinner?" Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

(I just love this)

"Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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JE - Smoking Cool?

2009-04-29T11:24:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tuesday 28th April, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey folks.

Apologies for few joke emails last week. Things a little busy as I
prepare for my holidays over the next few weeks. Off to Oz and hopefully
Asia so long as Qantas honour their stopover pledge in my ticket (don't
ask!).

So, although Joke Email may be scant on my chat for a while, I'll
reprise the stories upon my return!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Smoking is Cool
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/smoking_cool.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/smoking_cool.htm "> AOL </a>

Tampon Prank Ends Badly
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/tampon.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/tampon.htm "> AOL </a>

20 Foot Backflip
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/backflip.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/backflip.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his
chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says "OK old fart,
time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle all of
these chickens. Look what it has done to me.

Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?

"The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking
over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins! gets the exclusive
domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance,

Old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running.

About 15 seconds later.

The young rooster takes off running after him. They round the Front
porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is
only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front
porch. When he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Darn.....third gay rooster
I bought this month."

Moral of this story? .
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, and treachery will always
overcome youth and arrogance!

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

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JE - Jackhammer issue

2009-04-21T08:07:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Monday 20th April, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
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+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Jackhammer Issue
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/jackhammer.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/jackhammer.htm "> AOL </a>

Dog Peeing Earns $100,000
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dog_pee.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/dog_pee.htm "> AOL </a>

Jessica Alba's Got Milk Photo
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/alba.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/alba.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
In his Saturday radio address, President Barack Obama told Somali pirates he
is sending Vice-President Joe Biden to meet with them aboard their dinghy to
resolve the crisis.

''I will not be held hostage to a situation that was allowed to grow and
fester under the previous administration. President Bush never reached out
to the Somali pirate community; instead, he arrogantly dismissed them as
barbarians and thieves.''

The President said the high seas entrepreneurs mistakenly targeted a U. S.
Flagged vessel because of dense fog caused by global warming. He has
authorized Vice-President Biden to share the Navy's ship identification
technology with pirates to avoid a repeat of the incident. In addition, the
President said he is prepared to meet the pirates at the White House for
talks.

''I fully acknowledge that decades of American imperialism have led us to
this point,'' the President continued. ''However, this all must come to an
end by the Sunday morning talk shows. If that deadline passes with no
resolution, I will order the American warships to withdraw, leaving Joe
Biden in that lifeboat with the pirates until they come to their senses and
beg to be rescued themselves. The choice is theirs.''

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
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JE - How Cool?

2009-04-17T09:13:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thursday 16th April, 2009
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yee-ha!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
How Cool Are You?
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/coolness.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/coolness.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her
car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a
ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode
off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let
out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding
hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station
attendant. 'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the
horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I
wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

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[No Holds Barred] for APRIL 11 2009 -- EASTER EDITION

2009-04-12T14:03:00.000+10:00

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                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from the Easter Bunny"

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise

Q: What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter
     parade?
A: Hot, cross bunnies.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SIGNS THE EASTER BUNNY IS NUTS

10. Neighbors describing him as "a quiet loner."
9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at
    Santa, "You're going to die up there, fat man!"
8. Can't stop washing his paws.
7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.
6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.
5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a "suicide egg."
4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl
    space.
3. Won't come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.
2. He's hippity-hopped up on crack.
1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
A: Because he is eggocentric.

Q: Where does Valentine's Day comes after Easter?
A: In the dictionary.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Post-Resurrection Visit

It cannot be found in the scriptures, but one story has it that upon his
resurrection, the Lord appeared to a certain fisherman.

"I am Jesus. My death has saved all who do or will believe, and I am
returned to show the Father's love and power."

"No, you're not Jesus, so bug off, you're scaring all the fish," answered
the old fisherman.

"I see thou are full of doubt. What would thee have me do to show who
I am?"

"Walk across the river," he tells Jesus.

So Jesus starts walking across the river. Next thing, he sinks and
disappears under the water.

After he swims back to shore, the old man says to him, "There you are,
see, you're not Jesus, you can't walk across water"

Jesus responds, "Well, I used to be able to do it until I got these
darned holes in my feet!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Altzheimer's Advantage - You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Q. What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A. Two points, just like anyone else.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I've loaded a bunch of Easter toons on the site here:

23 clean Easter toons
http://able2laff.com/?cat=107

32 naughty Easter toons
http://able2laugh.com/?cat=106

From other sources...
83 Easter Cartoons from
editorial cartoons, comic strips and vintage cartoons
http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/bysubject/subject.php?sid=480

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Easter Fun Facts
http://www.happy-easter.com/facts.htm

A Devilish Egg Encounter
http://www.southernangel.com/food/deveggs.html

Easter Eggs Grandma�s Way
http://www.humorcolumnist.com/easter.htm

Bill Hicks - Gideons and the Easter Bunny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnjFhdO90Rg

Yak and the Story Of Easter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weBFmdLmKvI

The Easter Bunny Hates You
http://tinyurl.com/cb36oy

FAIL Easter Toys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7vhaX-UKPM

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bunny Trail Maze
http://www.easterfun.com/bunnytrail/index.html

Games for Easter Parties
http://tinyurl.com/d2tz5m

6 full on games for the week end
http://www.jokeroo.com/games/index.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To Join No Holds Barred
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Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/

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JE - How to use Facebook

2009-04-09T08:54:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wednesday 8th April, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Howdy folks. Enjoy the humor.

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
How to use Facebook
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/facebook.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/facebook.htm "> AOL </a>

The Earth is Flat
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/flat.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/flat.htm "> AOL </a>

Supreme Deer Hunting
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/supreme.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/supreme.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Bored during a long flight, an eminent scholar leaned over and woke up
the man sleeping next to him to ask if he would like to play a game.

"I'll ask you a question," he explained. "If you don't know the answer,
you pay me $5. But if I don't know the answer to your question I'll pay
you $50."

When the man agreed to play, the scholar asked, "What's the distance
from the earth to the moon?" Flummoxed, the man gave him the $5. "Ha!"
said the scholar. "It's 400 000 kilometres. Now it's your turn."

The man was silent for a few moments and then asked, "What goes up a
hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The academic racked his brains for half an hour, and finally handed over
his $50. "Okay, okay, what is the answer?" he asked.

The man said, "I don't know," handed him a $5 bill and went back to sleep.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

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[No Holds Barred] for APR 8 2009

2009-04-08T22:58:00.001+10:00

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                     \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per
year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a
year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Today's filler...Hallmark writers having a bad day.)

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Robert
decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So he went to a singles bar
and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath
away.

"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but
within a month or two, my father will pass and I'll inherit over 20
million dollars."

The woman went home with Robert, and four days later she became his
stepmother.

Men will never learn

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

AS SEEN ON TV
Never Scrub your toilet bowl again.

Try NeverScrub! for FREE.

NeverScrub! from KABOOM
- Snaps into your toilet tank in about 1 minute
- Keeps your bowl clean for 3-5 months
- Cleans thoroughly, even under the rim

http://tinyurl.com/5gdkm4

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the
New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human
interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most
remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas ..

Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this
would be a good place to start.

He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he
was there. The farmer (named Farmer Mahon ) agreed to answer his
questions.

The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the
happiest?

Farmer Mahon replied, "One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We
all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back
to the farmer that lost it."

"I can't print that," said the reporter, "Is there another event that made
you really happy?"

Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, "Yep. One time the
daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin' young
girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her,
we took her back to her daddy."

Again the reporter knew he couldn't print the story and decided to take
a different tack. He asked Farmer Mahon, "Is there any event in your
life that has made you really sad?"

Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, "Well, I got lost once."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ice cream
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Dessertx018.jpg

EXTRA rare
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Dinnerx011.jpg

Freak show!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=freak09.jpg

Fruit, anyone?
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Fruitx011.jpg

This is Gay!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=GAY.jpg

Don't Jumping
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=dont-jumping-elevator.jpg

DUCK!
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=dsign111.jpg

When Rock Was Young
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Elton-tot.jpg

FRAUD!
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=FRAUD.jpg

Grimm Party
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Grimm.JPG

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Entertainment Coupon book is filled with up to 50% off
and 2-for-1 discounts on local dining, movies, groceries,
sporting events and more!
Discover how the book pays for itself!
Order today and get $5 off
the retail price and Free Shipping.
http://tinyurl.com/5bowbx

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A little fella
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0119.html

New airline offers plenty of amenities
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0120.html

Holiday
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0101.html

Doctor's fees
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0102.html

Edna!!!!
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0104.html

Good stuff!
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22441.htm

Big Jugs
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22439.htm

Good Doggie
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22440.htm

Stripper Strike
http://www.buffaloschips.com/02280508.htm

Billy's Plan
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2280509.htm

Treat
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000020.html

Good customers
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000021.html

Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

William Shatner Demonstrates Proper Gun Control
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yJ7cfr9Lso

Martin and Lewis - Blow Me a Kiss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LENKIbKCZ_U

Eating Your Way Through The Seven Deadly Sins
http://www.maddogproductions.com/ds_gluttony.htm

Those old Burma Shave hiway signs...
http://seniors-site.com/funstuff/burma.html

Chalk Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart.html
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart2.html
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

7 Hour Slumber is an all-natural nutritional supplement
that will help you fall asleep faster, sleep deeper,
awake more refreshed without feeling groggy.

Try it here - FREE bottle
http://tinyurl.com/crvjet

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Robot War
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39949&s=n

Fun Facts Quiz 6
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39817&s=n

Mud and Blood 2
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39926&s=n

Eat everything smaller than you, don't get eaten
http://games.the-n.com/games/game_contain.php?id=888

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Start your day with a chuckle!
Get some nice clean jokes
Delivered right to your mailbox
Your funny bone will thank you!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/h-joke1.html
-----------------------------
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!

Here's a fine selection of groups
that want to send you lovely babes!
Some are just Sweet 'n Sexy...
Others are Hot 'n Nasty
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-babe1.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
Check out our family of fun sites & maillists
http://able2laugh.com/maillists.html

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JE - Perks of the job

2009-04-08T07:17:00.000+10:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tuesday 7th April, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey all.

Been away a few days so many apologies for lack of jokes and my banter.
I'll keep it short and sharp - due round the missus's shortly for my
tea and I can't be late (again!). On the plus side, my forays to Tango
dancing class on a Tuesday night with her (couple time she calls it)
are now finished and it's only two days to the weekend!!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Perks of the job
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/campus.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/campus.htm "> AOL </a>

HMO Account Manager
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/hmo.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/hmo.htm "> AOL </a>

Starshine
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/starshine.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/starshine.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
The Titanic, on her maiden voyage, just set sail from the shores of
England. It was the most magnificent ship ever built, and everybody is
very excited. No expense has been spared - the vast dining rooms,
casinos, hundreds of neatly groomed waiters and polite service staff,
string quartets, the works.

Every night at the bar, they had this magician come on and perform the
most wonderfully amazing tricks of conjury the world had ever seen. It's
the first night of the voyage, and everyone is eager to see this great
man at work, except there was one slight problem. There was this parrot,
who'd sit on the bar top by the peanuts, and ruin each trick as the
magician performed them. Each time, the parrot would sit quietly until
the trick was almost completed, and say things like, "Squark! It's up
his sleeve!" or "Sqeeek! He's hidden it in the hat!" etc., and ruin the
trick for the magician.

Every time, the parrot would do this, and the magician would get madder
and madder as the night wore on.

The same happened on the next night, and the one after that. The
magician would shake with fury at this silly parrot ruining his world
famous show. He spent his days devising even better and more
stupendously amazing tricks in an effort to fool this bloody parrot.

One night, the magician is about to perform his greatest trick of the
voyage. The lights are dimmed, a hushed silence sweeps across the bar
floor, a drum roll builds up to a mighty crescendo as the magician
performs his final piece de resistance....and suddenly the ship hits an
iceberg and sinks...

For three days, the magician manages to cling to a door floating around
in the wreckage, starving, thirsty. On the third day, he notices at the
other end of the door, the parrot, sitting calmly and quietly, staring
back at him. For three more days the magician just glowers at him, not
saying a word - bitter, hushed, resentful, silence.

...Until one day, the parrot can't contain himself any longer and squarks,
"Alright! I give up! What have you done with the ship?!"

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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[No Holds Barred] for APR 6 2009

2009-04-06T22:58:00.001+10:00

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                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break in
their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only
a few shelves setup.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going
to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious Irishman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick
Irish accent asked, "What might ye be sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Irishman said, "You are doing well...
only two left!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(All of today's filler are quotes from Steven Wright)

All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

An eighteen-year-old boy was drinking in a bar. He asked an older man
sitting next to him, "I want to learn all about women. What do you call
that little magic button in a woman's slit?"

"A clitoris."

"What's the brown part around the nipples?"

The older man replied, "That's the areola."

"Wow, you know everything," the boy said. "How about that smooth
patch of skin between a woman's twat and her asshole?"

The older man thought for a moment, then answered, "I don't recall the
scientific name. But most of the fellas around here call it a chin rest."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yoshi Blade - Razor Sharp Ceramic Knife

Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.

As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
http://tinyurl.com/cz3ze5

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear Dr. Science,

QUESTION:
"Which is better, left or sideways?"

ANSWER: "It depends if you're standing on your head or with your
feet on the ground. People in the Southern Hemisphere tend to like to
do it both ways, but then their more passionate nature make them
generally more appreciative of direction and its import. My first wife
and I tried it sideways, upside down, and we could never really make
beautiful music together. Maybe that's because she played the viola
left handed and I played the harpsichord with my eyes closed. We are
talking about music here, aren't we?"

Swiped from Ask Dr. Science...He knows more than you do
DrScience-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Military Motivational Posters
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/military.html

Well....HI there!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Well-HI-there.jpg

Not always what it seems...
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=ad-beer.jpg

Art
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Art.jpg

Bush
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=Bush.jpg

Cupid's mistake
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=cupidsmistake.gif

Alien bikers
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=alien_bikers.JPG

I WANT TO BELIEVE
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=believe.gif

Cadillac Grill
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Cadillac_Grill.gif

Nose Drop
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=History-m-jackson.gif

Safari jeep
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Cool-car-bamboo-jeep.jpg

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Do you travel?
Do you vacation?
Do you want to save TONS on travel expenses?
http://able2laff.session99.hop.clickbank.net/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Adios Asshole
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000017.html

Adjust TV
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000019.html

Olympics
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42555.htm

Wonder-Bra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/50205.htm

Steady
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42554.htm

Grandma
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22448.htm

Close encounter
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22449.htm

a new tshirt for each of em
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0114.html

too much milk
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0115.html

when dogs ride
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0116.html

prison
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0117.html

the morning after
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0118.html

Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

New high tech version of Little Red Riding Hood
http://dareland.blogspot.com/

"Be afraid; be very afraid."
http://www.phobialist.com/

Top 10 Disastrous Letterman Interviews
http://tinyurl.com/c8az8k

THE HUMORIST AT HOME
http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/view/9232

Country Joe McDonald - "Feel Like I'm Fixing To Die"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBdeCxJmcAo

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Where would one get all the Sex Toys discussed on Oprah!

HAZZAH!! Here they all are!
http://www.SexToySex.com/freehole

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Fun Facts Quiz 6
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=34737&s=n

Zodiac Tower
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38762&s=n

Five Card Deluxe
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38741&s=n

Computer Geek Or Serial Killer
http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz

Find a Word
http://www.castlemountains.com/wordfind/wordfind399.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

LAUGH YOUR GUTS OUT!
Here's a fine selection of the
HOTTEST raunchiest humor on the net today!
Jokes, toons, vids....EVERYTHING funny!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-var1.html
-----------------------------
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!

Here's a fine selection of groups
that want to send you lovely babes!
Some are just Sweet 'n Sexy...
Others are Hot 'n Nasty
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-babe1.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
Check out our family of fun sites & maillists
http://able2laugh.com/maillists.html

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[No Holds Barred] for APR 3 2009

2009-04-03T23:48:00.001+11:00

${top_html_ad}
                     \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Redneck Vasectomy

A North Carolina couple, both true rednecks, had 9 children. They
went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what
finally made them make the decision -- why after nine children, would
they choose to do this?

The husband and wife replied that they had read in a recent article that
one out of every ten children being born in the Carolinas was Mexican,
and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby
because neither of them could speak Spanish.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There once was a man named Eugene
Who invented a screwing machine.
    Concave and convex
    It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when
we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do
you remember back then?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is almost reduced to tears herself, just thinking how caring
and sensitive her husband is. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you
remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved that
shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will
send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten
out today."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young lad - name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
       His father said, "Durcan!
       Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Windows Utilities - Software Street
Discover a new world of exciting home software!

http://www.software-street.com/?afl=50860

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Proper Way to Say "Going to Pee"

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said," Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying," That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be
right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?"

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to
meet after dinner."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her heels in a doorway.
       She told her young man,
      "Get off the divan,
I think I've discovered one more way!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tourists
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010suckin_off.jpg

Surprised
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Surprised.jpg

True happiness
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010truehapp1.jpg

Good advertising
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010tshirt-009.jpg

Viagra overdose
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Viagra_Overdose.gif

Refreshing honesty
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=tshirt-039.jpg

COOPS
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=TVshow-Coops.jpg

Wife
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Wife.JPG

Early GPS
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=ad-GPS.jpg

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=AHHHHHH.jpg

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Self-Development - Self Help Street
Discover a world of new & exciting self-development products!

http://www.selfhelpstreet.com/?afl=50860

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Adam
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000014.html

Addidas Sign
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000016.html

Weirdo's In The News
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32170.htm

Easy Rider
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270656.htm

Got Milk
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270676.htm

Gum Ball Machine
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270677.htm

Sushi
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022270678.htm

Communicating
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v046.html

I'm sorry Mrs. Halftrack
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0129.html

Trick the blind man
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0111.html

Wrong pocket
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0112.html

Protection from sunburn
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0113.html

Random Joke & cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Steve Martin on US Airways Flight 1549
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsvwmcKYzjM

Daily Snopes
http://www.snopes.com/daily/

Stephen Hawking Sex Tape
http://www.youtube.com/v/LaLIBrWNoOY

Doggy Style Blog
http://www.maddogblog.com/

Outhouse racing!
(after the videos jump down the page to the Yearly Race Photos)
http://www.jldr.com/ohindex_ohracing.shtml

Folk Art in Bottles
http://www.sdjones.net/FolkArt/

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Privacy Tools - Privacy Central
Discover a whole world of leading computer privacy tools.

http://www.privacy-central.com/?afl=50860

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Flip Words
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38742&s=n

Snowy Puzzle Islands
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38756&s=n

Keepie Up
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38767&s=n

Thing Thing Arena 3
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39657&s=n

6 full on games for the week end
http://www.jokeroo.com/games/index.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

DO you WANT to SEE some SKIN?

For a fine selection of naughty bits...
Delivered right to your mailbox...

GO HERE NOW!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-mat..html
-----------------------------------------
If you're interested in anything Military
Then you need to Cruise by here
Enlist some good Services
To keep you informed and amused

http://able2laff.com/EZ/milty..html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
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[No Holds Barred] for APR 1 2009

2009-04-01T23:04:00.000+11:00

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                     \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

                           Welcome to all the new subscribers!
            Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

              PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand.   Unfortunately, there is a rip
in one of the bags,and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto
the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of your bag."

"Oh, really? Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning."

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?
You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there is a game, a lot
of the fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds!
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each
time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say, '$20 or
off it comes!' "

"Well, that seems only fair," laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By the
way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

"I am rather like a mosquito in a nudist camp; I know what I ought to
do, but I don't know where to begin."   ---Stephen Bayne
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
True Story from Houston Medical Center

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his
hoohoo. According to the nurse attending, the patient's girlfriend
found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used
petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo.
3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury
     Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear ..
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Acne Freedom in 72 Hours
Discover the secrets to combatting acne --
including the 72 hour miracle!
http://www.totalacnefreedom.com/?afl=50860
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
TEN PET PEEVES THAT DOGS HAVE ABOUT HUMANS

1. Blaming your farts on me.... Not funny... Not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
      whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we
     chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo
     Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when
    I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but
    I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
      truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss
here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy
driving cabs and cutting hair."   --- George Burns
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                             TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Huge breasts
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010signs0010.jpg

Cracker snack
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Snacksx010.jpg

Golf distraction
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010sports0027.jpg

STOMP!!
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010STOMP.jpg

Berry berry nice! (smut alet)
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Fruitx010.jpg

Pig in a blanket
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Sandwich002.jpg

Cat treat
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Shopping005.jpg

Bar Rules
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=sign010.jpg

Speedy wheels
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Speedy-wheels.jpg

Telemarketer
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=telemarketer.jpg
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Language Professor

The Easiest way to learn a language
GREAT for all Ages!

Learn 22 languages!
Get your 10 day trial software FREE!
http://tinyurl.com/dny2r4
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                         MORE TOONS
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
What was it?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u036.html

Dear God
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q041.html

Hat's off to Earl
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q042.html

Being a bastard
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v044.html

Complaints
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v045.html

Not Capable
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41225.htm

Just Once
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41222.htm

Bull Fighter
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050613.htm

Prominent Politician
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/03050614.htm

Change Of Name
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32169.htm

Abuse Of Power
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000012.html

Adam and Eve
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000015.html

Random Joke & Cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                               FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Deleting Temptation
http://www.maddogproductions.com/ds_porn_prayer.htm

Johnny Paycheck - Take This Job and Shove It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knetbVx5A-Q

Do Beer, Not Drugs
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38550&s=n

Lion vs. Man, Simply Amazing Bravery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4usMXS2LexM

The Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/

Top April Fool's Pranks
http://www.afunzone.com/ATopic/Top_April_Fools_Days_Pranks.htm
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
WEBMASTERS!

Shopping for a new host?
How about UNLIMITED disk space and bandwidth...
with ALL the bells and whistles?
Now...how about only $75 for a YEAR!?!
All sub-domains are only $10 for a year.
http://www.hostmonster.com/track/thorn/mags
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                            GAME TIME
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Armed Invasion Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39085&s=n

Thing Thing Arena 3
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39657&s=n

Boxhead Zombie Wars
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39660&s=n

Virtual Villagers
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38761&s=n

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
                                    Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Get a jolt of inspiration in your life!
Let your mailbox bring GOOD tidings for a change.
Drop by here for a nice morale boost.
http://able2laff.com/EZ/insp.html
---------
Pets Pets Pets

No matter what pet you may have
You may always know more about them.
Come join others for stories, tips, and fun.
http://able2laff.com/EZ/pets.html
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Able2Laugh Humor ezine - Humor of the Sinful Kind
Able2Laugh-subscribe@topica.com

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/
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JE - Like Obama

2009-04-01T10:13:00.000+11:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tuesday 31st March, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Here it is!
And we're on high alert for the G20 here in the UK!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
I'm Like Obama
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/like_obama.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/like_obama.htm "> AOL </a>

Subjects For A Date
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/date.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/date.htm "> AOL </a>

Drunk Ants
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/ants.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/ants.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
The service station trade was slow.
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick.
Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill Led to a shack,
marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.

'Where is the ladies restroom, sir?'
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed,
Just like a snake Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car.
Just like three gals before.

She tripped and fell -- got up,
and then in obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set
and then the devilish guy,
would stop his whittling long enough,
to speak into the mike.

And as she sat,
a voice below struck terror, fright and fear
'Will you please use the other hole?
We're painting under here'*

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wanna leave? See the base of this email for info.
Advertising info: http://www.jokeemail.com/advertinfo.htm

This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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[No Holds Barred] for MAR 30 2009

2009-03-31T10:26:00.001+11:00

${top_html_ad}
      \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOONS

Fruits
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010HumanFoodx014.jpg

New Age Yoga
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010New-Age-yoga.jpg

Tweaked off
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Pissed.jpg

Real prude
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010PRUDE.jpg

Sand in vagina
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010sand-in-vagina.jpg

Boob boosting
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Shoppingx009.jpg

May I borrow some Uranium 238?
http://tinyurl.com/ar2z9w

Pride & Predator
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=movies-0045.jpg

Bad music
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=music.jpg

New Orleans city proposal
http://tinyurl.com/d9ol9z

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOONS

Abandon All Hope
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000008.html

Absolut
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000009.html

I don't understand
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v031.html

In the emergency room
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v032.html

Not now, please
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/v033.html

Get up and do it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u034.html

Not what you think
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/u035.html

Optical oddity
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Optical_Illusion0017.jpg

Profound!
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Profound.jpg

Random Joke & Cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your Own Online Dollar Store...FREE!

- Start Instantly
- Unlimited Potential
- We provide you with thousands of products to use
- Hurry, limited availability!

http://tinyurl.com/dcg7g6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT

That Was Then, This Is Cheez Whiz
http://www.maddogproductions.com/ds_cheezwhiz.htm

Tim Wilson - It's a Sorry World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMGs-b3p9FU

Stephen Hawking Sex Tape
http://www.youtube.com/v/LaLIBrWNoOY

Got burned in love? GET EVEN!
http://www.revengecrabs.com/

April Fools goodies
Here is a couple pages full of gag programs and such for your
downloading pleasure...
http://www.thefreesite.com/Seasonal_Freebies/April_Fools/
http://www.computerpranks.com/

Here's a bunch of prank stories....
many of which could be useful this April Fools.
http://www.computerpranks..com/stories/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GAME TIME

Green Terror Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39667&s=n

Wordelicious
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39769&s=n

Mahjong
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39767&s=n

Cube Field
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39743&s=n

Stunt Bike Draw 2
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39742&s=n

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath.

This made him.... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Growing old is inevitable...growing up is optional.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the
confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the
street and asked him to cover for him.

The rabbi was concerned that he wouldn't know what to say, but the
priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit
and show him what to do.

The rabbi comes, and he and the priest go into the confessional
together. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, "Father,
forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest asks, "What did you do?"

The woman says, "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say three Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no
more."

A few minutes later, a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father,
forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say three Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no
more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later, another woman enters and says, "Father, forgive
me for I have sinned."

Rabbi: "What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery."

Rabbi: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three
for $5.00"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Death is hereditary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Language Professor

The Easiest way to learn a language
GREAT for all Ages!

Learn 22 languages!
Get your 10 day trial software FREE!
http://tinyurl.com/dny2r4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A prostitute on her period decides to catch a client anyway. She
thinks to herself: "I'll find some drunk. He won't even notice anything."

She goes to the bar, finds a really drunk guy there, takes him to the
nearest hotel and they spend the night together.

The guy wakes up the next morning (the prostitute is already gone
by then). As he starts to get out of bed he sees that his hands are
covered in blood. He starts running around the room, saying to
himself in panic, "Oh, my God! I killed her! I killed her!!!..."

As he runs to the bathroom he passes the mirror, stops, looks at
himself for a second and then screams, "Oh, my God!!! And I ate
her, too!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and
makes it sound confusing.

"If you can talk brilliantly about a problem, it can create the consoling
illusion that it has been mastered."    -- Stanley Kubrick

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not enough naughty chuckles in your day?

Then you need to head over here for a fine selection
of jokes, toons, videos, fun stories...and MORE!
Get them delivered daily!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-var1.html

======

Housework getting you down?
Make that dreary job easier and more fun NOW!
Get lots of creative housework helpers...
for cleaning, decorating, cooking, and more.
http://able2laff.com/EZ/house..html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More to come later....
just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

To Unsubscribe
NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com

Able2Laff - Belly-Laugh Central for Everyone
http://Able2Laff.com

Able2Laugh - For your Naughty Humor Needs
http://Able2Laugh.com

Here is a WIDE variety of fun maillists for you
http://able2laff.com/EZ/

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Fun4U: Nun Too Resourceful

2009-03-30T12:48:00.003+11:00

Fun4U: Lobster Tales

2009-03-30T12:48:00.001+11:00

[No Holds Barred] for MAR 27 2009

2009-03-28T23:47:00.001+11:00

${top_html_ad}
      \\\\\\\\\\ No Holds Barred! //////////

       Welcome to all the new subscribers!
Anything goes on this list so no one under 18 is welcome!

PLEASE support this list by checking out the sponsors!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOONS

Lizzzzzard
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010lizzzard.jpg

Lunch buffet table
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Lunchx013.jpg

Possessed Mona
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010Mona023.jpg

Mouse sex
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010mouse-sex.gif

Harry Poppins
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010movies-0052.jpg

Kiddie bling
http://able2laugh.com/master/pix.php?pic=010odd-toys0017.jpg

Don't burn the Fire Chief
http://tinyurl.com/chqpok

Thirsty
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=FountainHead.jpg

Grim
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=Grim.jpg

Free Apology
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=history-apology.jpg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adults need toys, too! Here they all are!

Since you ARE an adult....you should need plenty of
adult films, toys, clothing, games, and accessories.
HAZZAH!! Here they all are!
http://www.SexToySex.com/freehole

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TOONS

Homer's brain
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=HOMER.JPG

Justice
http://able2laff.com/master/pix.php?pic=justice.jpg

Satisfied Microsoft Customer
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000005.html

A Women Scorned
http://www.sydesjokes.com/toons/link000007.html

Wanna laugh?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0123.html

Did I complain?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0124.html

Potato heads
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0125.html

The ghost
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0126.html

How the pain starts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/f0128.html

Random Joke & Cartoon
http://www.Able2Laugh.com

Stolen Toon of the Day
http://stolen-jokes..com/JPGS/display_pic.php

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you travel?
Do you vacation?
Do you want to save TONS on travel expenses?
http://able2laff.session99.hop.clickbank.net/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUN PLACES TO CHECK OUT

Doggy Style Blog
http://www.maddogblog.com/

[A PERFECT FRIDAY SONG]
Todd Rundgren - Bang On the Drum All Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZclddLcOYYA

Mrs. Hughes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEQsmtCL5VA

Balloon Eater
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38556&s=n

THE ALEX BIN LADEN SHOW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKTYjXbZgNE

Computer case modifications
http://www.neatorama.com/case-mod/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GAME TIME

Robokill Shooting Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39663&s=n

Dog Fight
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39661&s=n

Governor of Poker
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=39658&s=n

Drift Racing
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3467&pid=38766&s=n

6 full on games for the week end
http://www.jokeroo.com/games/index.html

Daily Games
Cryptogram, Wordcross, Crossword Jumble & Jigsaw Puzzle
http://able2laff.com/?p=2383

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had
children and so was all mankind made."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The
father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from
which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is
it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Papa said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you
about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sure you've all heard about the traveling salesman whose car
became hopelessly stuck in a snow bank during a recent blizzard
in North Dakota.

It took him several hours to make it to the nearest farm house, but
frozen half to death, he finally reached the front door and knocked
on it. A grizzled old farmer answered, and the salesman pleaded
for a place to spend the night.

"Why sure young fella, I can give ya a place to bunk." said the
hospitable old man. "But I ain't got no daughter for ya to sleep with,
like ya always hear about in them thar jokes."

"Oh!" said the salesman, "Just how far is it to the next house ?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that
truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. -- Ross Levy

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get.
-- Jackson Brown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S SO HOT IN TEXAS THAT...

* The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of
the ground.
* The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to
have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and
pepper.
* Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep
them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
*****************************************

IT'S SO DRY IN TEXAS THAT...

* The cows are giving evaporated milk.
* The trees are whistling for the dogs.
* A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so
much for me, cuz I've seen it...but for my 7-year-old."
**************************************

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TEXAS WHEN...
* You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
* You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
* You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
* You can make instant sun tea.
* You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding
iron.
* The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
* You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to
drive your car.
* You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car
window.
* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade
instead of distance.
* Hot water now comes out of both taps.
* It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not
one personis out on the streets.
* You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* You break a sweat the instant you step outside at
7:30 a.m.
* No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car,
or not having air conditioning.
* Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get
knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook
to death?"
* You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
-- Doug Larson

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
-- Anonymous

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       Some Other Lists to Enjoy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Like to wake up with some fun cartoons?
Just love to share the cartoons you get from others?

Drop by here for some fun maillists
To keep that toon habit satisfied!
http://able2laff.com/EZ/h-toon1.html

======
Keep up your reputation as the rude funny one!
For a full collection of naughty jokes to swap
sign up for a couple of the finest jokelists here
http://able2laff.com/EZ/a-joke1.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More to come later....
just remember there are "No Holds Barred" !!

To Join No Holds Barred
NoHoldsBarred-subscribe@Topica.com

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NoHoldsBarred-unsubscribe@Topica.com
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http://able2laff.com/EZ/

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JE - Motorcycle Attire

2009-03-27T12:33:00.000+11:00

Welcome to the world-renowned JOKE EMAIL!
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Thursday 26th March, 2009 70,000 subscribers
_________________________________________________________
Joke Email is distributed by subscription only. You are receiving
this email because you subscribed at the JokeEmail.com site.

+ The Starter
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
So I may have bamboozled you with moving this week to a Tuesday
and Thursday schedule! Fear not, it won't continue - back to usual
next week. I need to get this issue out of the way since we're out
straight from the office tomorrow, which may well be carnage, but with
the HR girls leading the charge, one can hardly say no, can he?!

Tom Evans
Editor - Joke Email

+ New Funny Pics:
Bikini on a Motorbike
http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/bikini_motorcycle.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/pictures/bikini_motorcycle.htm "> AOL </a>

Do Beer, Not Drugs
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/do_beer.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/do_beer.htm "> AOL </a>

Clayside
http://www.jokeemail.com/more/clayside.htm
<a href=" http://www.jokeemail.com/more/clayside.htm "> AOL </a>

+ General Joke
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size
as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the $hit out of
them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the $hit
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an a$shole and a briefcase.

For more jokes, stroll on over to:
http://www.jokeemail.com/random.htm

+ Contact Information
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This ezine is registered with the British Library as: ISSN 1471-020X
© Copyright 2008 Thomas Evans. All Rights Reserved.
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